Back when I was innocent...

I used to be an agressive little child...

(Starting when I was 5 yrs old, i had already received a tattoo [a.k.a. scar] on my face, it's moon shaped if none of u guys noticed b4. I earned it when I tried to steal some guy's food; and when he saw me, he ran after me. When I saw him running at me, I panicked and I took off my shoe and threw it at him. Seeing that it stopped him a bit, i took off my other shoe, and back-handed/slapped/shoed him in the face. I thought it was an effective way to solve things. But wut i didn't know, wus that he was waiting for an open chance to dig is "nail-like" nails into my face, forming a crescent tht is now known as my tattoo. Back then, i didn't know how to think [and maybe i still don't]. I didn't know that each time i did what i did, i was making the guy more angier, pissed off, nd agressive. I learned my lesson after tht...cuse it's always been a reminder until now [bout 12 yrs]. My parents rmb it more than i do, cuse they see it on my face every day. They go "wut wus the guys name again...who gave u tht tattoo on ur face". I've forgiven, but i haven't forgotten. My parents (my dad in particular) hasn't seem to have forgiven...or forgotten lol) Still rmb his name...
I think we could make good friends though now...

Anewayz, i thought it was kinda fun...beating ppl up back then, but now...I GET beat up. Funny, cuse im even scrawnier than b4. I rmb i used to be able to take on my whole class...picked a fight with each and everyone of them. I forgot the reason why, but i had to fight a lot of them at one point. Now, I'm useless. All the martial arts training was useless (So WUt if u can do the splits LOL, ur jus sacking urself in the balls). Can't even defend myself now, i forgot how to stand up for myself. I've been a changed boy --->man, or is the other way around *sigh.

I'm afraid of everything I do now.

e.g. when i get robbed, I can't do anything about it (e.g. "u wanna give me $20...." me: "ummm...sure")

Other things i fear:

- I fear my parents
- I fear death (...i never knew we would die in this place...) [some ppl fear "living"...and want "death"]
- I fear not knowing what to say
- I fear presenting myself in front of people
- I fear not being able to “think” (freeze)
- I fear ppl smaller than me...cuse they're actually stronger...even if they appear weak

but u no who i don't fear enough of...God. Sometimes, it doesn't even occur to me, that I'm not doing somethin in God's likeness.

i was jus writing my testimony, nd lol i jus randomly thought back to this