Love being Male.

I am so glad I'm a guy/male...cuse I don't need to turn girls down when they ask me out (because they don't. or maybe it's just ME they don't want to ask out).

Girls on the other hand...needa turn guys down (cuse guys ask the girl out. Right?)

With that assumption in place..

Must be a lotta pressure and emotionss involved in that.

At least, I can ask a girl if i want to. But a girl...would hafta wait for that guy to ask her...the right guy...

At least, males can CONTROL who gets hurt and who doesn't (haha, I'm a little horrible). But the girls don't (they don't get to chose who they break, and who breaks their heart) anyways,

I guess there was never a rule that girls couldn't ask guys out. But you know, it doesn't happen.

--//How this thought came into play:

If a girl asked me out, and she was non-christian...I wouldn't know how to reject her. Well, reject is...kinda a strong word, I mean I'd still wanna be really great friends and establish a relationship with her, but just...not THAT kind of relationship. I would just be hard to bring myself to say "Sorry, you're not christian...", not that that is what has to be said exactly, but that would be the reason...

At least, I'm not at that stage, where my faith is unwavering, unfaltering, and unshaken...I believe it is very hard to attain that type of faith.

So being a guy is pretty great, I won't even BE asked out (or maybe me, Conan Yu, would never be asked out, it's ok anyways..). Hence, no turning down. I really hate the feeling of being the one to make a decision to turn people down. Ya, that's me.

Role of Men.,

Today, I learned being a MAN...

is NOT about:

- Career/Success

- Strength, "man-ly-hood"...

- Abusing women, and treating them as objects

- being soft, being sissy, meaning you lay back, don't take leadership

but it IS about:

- Leading your partner spiritually. We MUST be leaders, leading towards a God-glorifying direction (I have trouble with that, 'leading' alone...just being confident in general)

- Love your partner Sacrificially. Love is an act of will. you don't stop loving someone just cuse they are acting a certain way or when things don't go smoothly. (I was a little comforted by this point, because I am always afraid of "not being loved" anymore, if I did something horrendously wrong to someone. Ofc, that reminds myself to do the same, and I would be at comfort and peace if someone did that to me)

- Learn Her Steadfastly. (only your wife obviously, not creep or stalk someone elses). You can learn women. Put time into it, and you'll learn her.

One thing that stuck to me, was that "She is not mine, She IS me." That changes everything...that just makes everything different! I mean, I thought to myself at that time, How would I BE someone unless I physically & emotionally felt what they felt?? I can only BE someone, If I AM them lol. But I get the point...treat her as if you'd treat your own body; because we love ourselves. We love them, the way we would love ourselves. To the point, where they are 'ourselves'.

I don't have a wife...nor am I close to getting one. But...this taught me more on how to 'be a MAN' (with the accent obvi).

Thoughts...

- Once you get angry. You lose. In every sense. You lose to Satan. You lose the situation.

- I need to learn to endure pain. Endure discipline.

- I don't think I'll ever get a girlfriend -->wife-->family, because I wouldn't know how to take care of one. But maybe one day I'll learn.

WHOooooo. So many thangs.

This past week has just been...really interesting. It was a reading week, and I stayed in res for the most part...but really intesting week. Yes, I actually spent most of the time this week studying for midterms, doing assignments, and labs...but I also had good times too. I had some time to chill with people in Oshawa also. The other day (well, yesteday) I just played jenga with Vickie Chiu! lol. It was jokes...I haven't played jenga since elementary school. While we did that, I really valued the talk we had; I totally opened up to her, and i TOTALLY got to know her better. Pretty cool. I'm really feeling more and more at home with the people in Oshawa. I appreciate all their support and stuff. I'd trust them a lot.

Well anywho, some updates in Oshawa so far:

- I am now trying how Harvest Bible Chapel! (I used to go to Calvary, but I kind of found that it didn't suit me very well, so I'm going to Havest from now). Yes, church tomorrow! Can't wait to hear about the second part of the sermon that talks about the "guy's role". What men are called to be like. Haha, last week was about the women, now this week it's about the men, and we are told to 'buckle up' cuse we're in for quite a...ride.

- Campus Alpha!...Has been amazing! I'm so glad Keegan and Roman have been constantly coming and making it out every week! Very Encouraging. Campus Alpha itself has been a great experience; seeing the interaction and discussion amonst many people. God is great!

- I've joined a new connect this year (cuse new one's form every year), and I really hope to be closer to my connecters!...or I could just say...connect people...people in conect. ANYWAYs.

- Campus Church has been awesome! I'm so glad I found a community such as this! Also, I just remembered for last worship night, we had a "muslim" speaker come in. I learned a lot about the Islamic faith! Although, the format they did it in...kinda got people riled up, and may have potentially been dangerous. But nothing broke out or started, so that's good. lol. The full stories too long to explain (not really, but not gonna explain).

- One day, I want to invite my parents to a worship night...that'd be sick! They'd get to see my awesome community here! =)

- Oh, and TALENT show is coming up...man, I'm gonna do something asian.

I'm so stressed man. I don't understand anything about Science. ... ... Like, I'm really not enjoying this.

--// special thanks to Gabby for helping me out, with what i was stuck on for so long.

--//I'd like to share this blog:

http://livewithoutshame.blogspot.com/2011/02/discover-obedience.html

his blogs in general always get me thinking:

Control.

I have told my parents before...that i did not appreciate their 'love'. That they didn't really love me in the things they did. That it was for their benefit, I accused them. Now I feel bad. It's true, we are human, we'll never attain unconditional love, but my parents still love me tho, cuse I'm their child. And I bet they try. Imagine how they must have felt when I told them those words, as a parent I would be broken hearted. Those efforts...that love...that was all put in. It's not appreciated.

And many of the times, we do the same to God too...his love...it's not appreciated. Except God's love IS ACTUALLY unconditional. Can not be imagined in this humane world. There is nothing that can show appreciation ENOUGH to him, let alone appreciate Him at all! We can only of course show that appreciation through worship...and that is the extent of our thanks.

I get angry all the time. Frustration leads to my biggest anger. I do many of the things that God wouldn't want me to do. Please take control of me Lord.

My SECONDO Year at the "U of the IT" (no, I jk, some people are actually offended by that)

I know my school better than that: I go to the University of Ontario Institute of Technology! Best place to be at =)

I want to start off to say...I've always wanted siblings ever since I was young. Ever since I was a kid. By a kid, I mean...like 4 years old. And up till now...I still want siblings.

But the closest thing I've had, and I'd say pretty darn close enough, are my brothers and sisters in Christ I've had up till now. The brothers and sisters I had in Christ in my home town, and now the brothers and sister in Christ I have here! =) They give me a touch of...what a true, caring sibling is like. And I know, they are probably NOT the same. We don't live with each other, we don't spend days seeing each other for the whole day. But brothers, sisters, care for each other. One of the greatest ways you could care for someone is spiritually, I'm constantly reminded here about my walk with Christ, and ofc many times I falter, but that's why bros/sis pick me back up.

So just wanna shout out (to some people in UOIT):

@Heather: For being there to offer me rides.

@Emily: Always including me don' t want me feelin left out. Very welcoming.

@Maddie: You're like another Emily. Ok, not exactly, don't even know how that came about. But you're nice and friendly..

@Cass: being scruffy and awesome. Always ready to talk and stuff.

@Kevin: For giving me the name snow cones, and always smilin' when he sees me. And bein 'anonymous'

@ Alan: Man! you're one of the coolest asians in UOIT!

@Amberlea: No words needed.

@Ariel Brown-Cruz: for hatin' on me. (all in good fun)

@Arnold: Arno Schwarzeneggar

@Becky Fothergill: Attending to me, when I pulled a huge "conan face plant in snow" hence "snowconan"

@Bradley: You're a funny guy.

@Carly Marshall: For liking Alex Wong, and being awesome at Ballet

@Alicia Oaks: For being cool. And great at music!

@Duncan Kwan: For welcoming me on the first day of CC (don't think u'd rmb), and being a jamming buddy. and a great brother in Christ. And all the stuff that Duncan's great for.

@Emily Ohsh: for being my connect leader, and listening. and being half jap (asian)

@Gabrielle chan: ...

@Johnathan Mark: For putting up with me.

@Joe: Being jokes.

@Josh V: Bein a Versteeg.

@Keegan Guidolin: having many amazing interesting questions about Christ.

@Roman: Roman.

@Leigh Cotter: I love you brother!

@Leygh Allison: Awesome Photography, and bein there and around.

@Lisa Keller: you have nice green eyes.

@Nathan Nadeau: Write me a poem

@Jacky Y: You've changed a lot. I'm glad you're a child of God.

@Rebecca V: Being fun, loving, and friendssly

@Shola Giwa: {} {} =)

@Tony: I almost forgot you actually, um, I dont' know anything worth sayin about you.

@Tiffany Post-Lindsay: you're enthusiasm catches me!

I feel really bad for missing ppl. I'm sure I've missed someone, and I'm sorries, it doesn't mean you weren't important. Just you know, it happens, human minds don't rmb all at once, and i just brainstormed as I went. And longer descriptions don't mean i LIKE you better! just thot I'd make sure of that...putting out there. =>

Random Postage.

I am blogging because...I can't do work. There is no more juice & motivation left in me...this whole reading week, I haven't felt like doing work at all. I am trying to do work right now...and failing...

Give me some motivationnn!!!

I'd like to take Kev's advice for once..."Look at it as you are studying God's work, God's creation, the amazing design and intelligence He put into all this complexity we study, it's all Him" (paraphrased). I really do, and am REALLY working on it. It's amazing...we get to see the awesomeness of God in his creations.

---//

"Sin is Nasty, Disgusting.

You are Holy, Pure, and awesome."

May that be my prayer.

---//Blessed are I with the people at UOIT. Blessed are I to find Campus Church, and to find brothers and sisters in Campus Church! I am blessed.

I love it here. I hope there is not a chance or reason that I may need to leave it.

Will.

So, today my dad said to me, "Son, people are gonna know you so well when you become a doctor/researcher/'something medical'/some 'successful', 'asian', 'high-paying job', because you are gonna do great things in this world."

My dad becomes overprideful of me very often of times. Not because there's anything to be proud about, but because that's what he hopes for me, his expectations of me. Sometimes he says ridiculous things like, "Son, you're going to invent something so magnificient, and the world is going to love, thank, and respect you for it." E.g. "I'm going to invent something to save the world!" And clearly I go in my head "no, I'm not, and it's not going to happen".

note: all quotes were translated from chinese with the best of my ability.

Every time he says stuff like that, I feel SO horrible inside, not knowing how to break it to him...that i DON'T want to go into science. But then again, why am I in science? good question...

But what I see myself wanting to go into (or feel interest and enjoyment in) is MUSIC. Why couldn't I go into THAT...Whyyyyy. My dad is always trying to get me motivated...into pursuing science, and being interested in it, but the more he tries and the more time spent in this field, I am just NOT enjoying it. I really dunno man. I just want to tell him that "look, I am unmotivated towards learning science; I am interested in learning music!". That's all I probably need to say for the truth. But saying it...is like another story right. After all these years of talk...I just listened...and just accepted what he said (didn't exactly "accept", since i didn't actually agree, but more of I didn't want to start beef and 'talks' that would never end). And one thing about my dad is...he talks...then talks some more...and does he stop? no, he doesn't. Sometimes, I feel like I get some of that from him too, because I have somewhat of a habit like that; we just beating around the bush a lot, and never get to a point. So that is my dad. As he keeps talking and talking...I have an idea/point sometimes..but then he keeps going...then i forget. And eventually, I get bored out, and start day dreaming about...different piano beat patterns I could play out in my head. All in all, I've said all this because, our conversations never go anywhere! So I never get a chance to tell him how I REALLY feel. haiirrz.

Side: Look, I really like UOIT, but I do not like how it doesn't have a music program. But that's besides the point, and besides the reason how I ended up here.

It goes back to...what I enjoy, and what is a realistically stable job. My dad's theory is that, following a career path you enjoy is good, but to be realistic in real life, you need to look for stability first! You must support your own family...and live under a house, with sufficient money. So that basically concluded, that I shouldn't do music, since music according to nowadayz society, shows that you either go big, or...go home (or nothing). So he suggested that I...look for a job that's stable first. Surprise, surprise, maybe I should go into the medical field!! right? Yeaa, it's true, that stereotype about asians are true, although it doesn't apply to all, but in my case it is at least. So the problem now with me is...that I won't enjoy that, I won't enjoy science. And if i don't enjoy something...how can i be successful in it? And if I'm not successful in it, how can I come out with a stable, family-supporting job?! (back to the beginning again).

So how is that valid, that going in to science and medical, is going to get me a supportive life and career? yea, that's the problem I face atm.

And so it's always...

1) Do something you enjoy, but not have stable career OR

2) Do something you don't enjoy, but have a stable career

Personally, I don't think one can do without both. They are both really important. In my situation tho, I'm havin a problem with including both aspects in my future path.

But all that one can do, is let God's will be done. Pray for that will.

I'm reminded of this verse (the Lord's Prayer):

"Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be your name,
¹⁰ your kingdom come,
your will be done,
on earth as it is in heaven.
¹¹ Give us today our daily bread.
¹² And forgive us our debts,
as we also have forgiven our debtors.
¹³ And lead us not into temptation,^{a]" style="font-size: 0.75em; line-height: 0.5em; ">[a]}
but deliver us from the evil one"

Matthew 6:9-13

I'm am mainly just reminded...that God's will, WILL be done. So why worry, if I am giving my all to glorify Him. Everything on this earth will rot. The life on this earth will rot. All I am reminded in that verse is "your kingdom come, your will be done". It doesn't matter what happens here in the end. And it is out of the question that God's will, will be done. Not ours, so we're not in control, He is.

Temptation #3

What's wrong with you "females/girls/women"...why do you hafta be so "hot" for...you're tempting me into sin. But then again, why did my thoughts hafta desire that evil sin. But again, girls put effort into making themselves look 'good'...and 'hot'...why? You guys where make-up, and...WHATEVER else you guys do. You know looking 'hot' isn't exactly a great thing! For us guys at least...

Can you guys (by guys, i mean girls) look like your natural self...maybe...

I know, I know, the same thing can be said about guys...we have our own appearances that we work on, and care too much about too.

But back to it...the start...we are just too sinful aren't we, and we only need God to control that. Control us.

Oh, yesterday in discussion, i brought up a question on why we have hormones created in us, when it causes us to lust over others. And sure, excitement isn't always a bad thing, eg. marriage (since it is necessary to have the pleasure God intended you to have), but it also causes you to maybe look at ANOTHER girl...and feel the same way. Couldn't it...iunno, sounds stupid but...just cause us to be attracted to that one girl that you have committed to love. That sounds like a fantasy. But anyways, that's just a weird thought that I had.

I'm sorry for being offensive, if i was.

Being Free.

Sin has no hold on me...sin is no longer my master. I am no longer in slavery. I am free. Being free from slavery is such a good thing. Thank you Jesus.

It is a great privilege to have been freed...I mean, how do you like being controlled by this; by things of this world. We are now free...from that, thanks to Christ Jesus our Lord and Saviour.

So why sin, when we are free...for the very reason that Jesus came and bought us and freed us from it. That defeats the purpose. This'll definitely remind me of the life i live and how I view sin. We don't want to be bound.