my pet peeve...LOSING STUFF, because then...i know im unorganized.
---/My blog screwed up, but good thing someone invented something called the "default settings" button.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
It always smells so friggin nice in this room...cuse my roomate is always grilling something.
But i never get to eat it. Only smell it. that's torture.
I'm jking, i can't eat it...cuse he's never here. He cooks it & eats it...then leaves...rite b4 i come back. And i come back smelling it.
---/I feel better now.
But i never get to eat it. Only smell it. that's torture.
I'm jking, i can't eat it...cuse he's never here. He cooks it & eats it...then leaves...rite b4 i come back. And i come back smelling it.
---/I feel better now.
you know...when ppl are "together" (as in, when u have bf/or gf...)...they seem so much more defensive, sensitive, resistant, have their guard-up kinda like..."BACK-OFF, get ur own....iunno".
I'm no pervert. But i get the impression, that ppl think im one.
Like when i approach these friends (that i had thot)...they think im tryina get with them or sumthin....
Like, frig...I have better ppl waiting fr me.
You'd be lucky to get with me...even in your dreams.
I no i shouldn't be all cocky nd all...because im not exactly wut i say i am in real life either. But i jk and talk bout a lotta crap very often.
Hopefully, I've invested correctly...
I'm no pervert. But i get the impression, that ppl think im one.
Like when i approach these friends (that i had thot)...they think im tryina get with them or sumthin....
Like, frig...I have better ppl waiting fr me.
You'd be lucky to get with me...even in your dreams.
I no i shouldn't be all cocky nd all...because im not exactly wut i say i am in real life either. But i jk and talk bout a lotta crap very often.
Hopefully, I've invested correctly...
How, do I know what...or what not to say. How do i control/filter what comes out of my mouth.
How...when i share...do i no if something is appropriate or not?
---/The reason that came to my mind...was because, the stuff i blog about...sometimes i don't know if it offends people or not. And i also, have a "living example" in mind that i was thinking of, but...not gunna mention. Like, sometimes the words that jus come out become hurtful or uncomfortable to read, even when you never meant it to be. Whether it be the truth or not.
Or it gives ppl a whole new thought of who you are.
Are there right things to say...and wrong things?
How...when i share...do i no if something is appropriate or not?
---/The reason that came to my mind...was because, the stuff i blog about...sometimes i don't know if it offends people or not. And i also, have a "living example" in mind that i was thinking of, but...not gunna mention. Like, sometimes the words that jus come out become hurtful or uncomfortable to read, even when you never meant it to be. Whether it be the truth or not.
Or it gives ppl a whole new thought of who you are.
Are there right things to say...and wrong things?
I hate waking up from dreams...it's always, BACK to reality.
In my dream...I was in church, I wake up...OPP, I'm in skool again. How nice is that.
Don't exactly rmb what happened in my dream.
Just knew, that when I woke up, I had to hand in 2 tutorials, and prep for a test.
I hate...no, dislike reality. I love dreams. Good ones. The ones that make you feel at home.
---/I wish you would never have to wake up. Or, That the reality...WAS your dream, if u no wut i mean?
Difference between Dream & Reality:
Dream - What goes on, is reflected by you. In a way, You control that dream...but you are NOT in control. A dream is based on who you are, and what you've experienced. You can only dream about something, that you already know. Unless, it's a vision given by God.
Reality - There's always something new to learn. Usually, it's the hard way.
---/oh yea, and dreams don't have to make sense. Reality do. (wrong grammar, but im gunna leave it).
In my dream...I was in church, I wake up...OPP, I'm in skool again. How nice is that.
Don't exactly rmb what happened in my dream.
Just knew, that when I woke up, I had to hand in 2 tutorials, and prep for a test.
I hate...no, dislike reality. I love dreams. Good ones. The ones that make you feel at home.
---/I wish you would never have to wake up. Or, That the reality...WAS your dream, if u no wut i mean?
Difference between Dream & Reality:
Dream - What goes on, is reflected by you. In a way, You control that dream...but you are NOT in control. A dream is based on who you are, and what you've experienced. You can only dream about something, that you already know. Unless, it's a vision given by God.
Reality - There's always something new to learn. Usually, it's the hard way.
---/oh yea, and dreams don't have to make sense. Reality do. (wrong grammar, but im gunna leave it).
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
So, i was kinda frustrated today...or more like, a few moments ago...so i decide to look for a Bible verse that could calm my frustration level down. But as i looked, I ended up reading Revelations...
It's always good to know what it's like in "heaven". Who wouldn't? It's the life after death, a life after our previous life. How cool is tht...
In the Quran, they believe that heaven's a place where you'll see and get all the hot-women/hot guys you want, and also everything else you basically wanted on earth. It's kinda like...not taking the reward in the previous life, but getting it in the next.
In the Bible, it's more like...doing God's work on earth (don't live rich and merry, it has that context), and be rewarded in heaven. Except you don't even know what this reward is like. "Eternal Life". what does that mean...in heaven. How does it feel like, to have "eternal life". I'll never know. But it's just described with the most joyful, holy, sinless place. Oh, and it did mention a gold path...in heaven.
So, I'm intrigued bout what this "heaven" could be like. Like...it could come anyday. Every day...is a closer day, to Jesus coming back. But you just DOn't know when.
Anewayz, bac to the topic:
Chapter 4 (jus a scan...)
"And there before me, was a door standing open in heaven."
The Bible always makes it so "sun fa"...other wrds...um i dunno actually, how to say it in english.
"the ONE who sat there had an appearance of jasper (transparent, red quartz [rock]) and carnelian (opaque, impure quartz, [rock])."
so descriptive...i wonder how they can describe someone like "God" so detailedly.
"A rainbow resembling an emerald, encircled the throne."
"In the centre...there were four creatures...covered with eyes...in front and back."
where do these creatures come from??...they seem so random, and freaky. But there's some kind of symbolism to all of it.
Chapter 5
"Who is worthy to open the scrolls?"...
"Then, I saw a Lamb, looking as if it had been slain....He came and took the scroll....and when He had taken it, the four living creatures and the twenty-four elders feel down before the Lamb."
The lamb being Jesus Christ.
Oh, i might have told you b4, but one time...i thot the rapture had come...cuse i woke up home alone, and didn't see anyone on msn, and couldn't find anyone outside when i walked out. I thot i was gunna die. But yea, I'm still here...who knows, wut has happened.
I'm prob gonna read on...nd blog more later.
It's always good to know what it's like in "heaven". Who wouldn't? It's the life after death, a life after our previous life. How cool is tht...
In the Quran, they believe that heaven's a place where you'll see and get all the hot-women/hot guys you want, and also everything else you basically wanted on earth. It's kinda like...not taking the reward in the previous life, but getting it in the next.
In the Bible, it's more like...doing God's work on earth (don't live rich and merry, it has that context), and be rewarded in heaven. Except you don't even know what this reward is like. "Eternal Life". what does that mean...in heaven. How does it feel like, to have "eternal life". I'll never know. But it's just described with the most joyful, holy, sinless place. Oh, and it did mention a gold path...in heaven.
So, I'm intrigued bout what this "heaven" could be like. Like...it could come anyday. Every day...is a closer day, to Jesus coming back. But you just DOn't know when.
Anewayz, bac to the topic:
Chapter 4 (jus a scan...)
"And there before me, was a door standing open in heaven."
The Bible always makes it so "sun fa"...other wrds...um i dunno actually, how to say it in english.
"the ONE who sat there had an appearance of jasper (transparent, red quartz [rock]) and carnelian (opaque, impure quartz, [rock])."
so descriptive...i wonder how they can describe someone like "God" so detailedly.
"A rainbow resembling an emerald, encircled the throne."
"In the centre...there were four creatures...covered with eyes...in front and back."
where do these creatures come from??...they seem so random, and freaky. But there's some kind of symbolism to all of it.
Chapter 5
"Who is worthy to open the scrolls?"...
"Then, I saw a Lamb, looking as if it had been slain....He came and took the scroll....and when He had taken it, the four living creatures and the twenty-four elders feel down before the Lamb."
The lamb being Jesus Christ.
------------------
Oh, i might have told you b4, but one time...i thot the rapture had come...cuse i woke up home alone, and didn't see anyone on msn, and couldn't find anyone outside when i walked out. I thot i was gunna die. But yea, I'm still here...who knows, wut has happened.
I'm prob gonna read on...nd blog more later.
i needa catch up, I'm fallin' behind....on some sleep, that is.
---/Today, i guess i just found out bout the asian-ness of my name (I thot it was a white name...cuse ConanoBrian?...and Conanabarian?). Well, I've met 2 other "Conans" in this skool + 1 at church so far...and they're all chinese. And there aren't that many...chinese ppl, especially here. Imagine 4 Conans...who are chinese...that look like me. Haha...i bet a painted a pic in ur head rite now. Scary isn't it...
1 of me is enough...there's enough of tht to go around. K, im just sounding really cocky rite now.
---/"Game all day,
play all night,
let's get it poppin,
I'm in UOIT trick..."
Like no joke, that's all they do here (including, a certain sumone...which i won't exactly point out. But i jus kinda did alreadi...by sayin tht.). Since this place is a "tech/laptop" skool...everyone has laptops any where they go, and ppl jus whip out their laptops and game any time they want. It's like a portable game/sharing device...and everyone has it. Ofc, u can use it for wrk too...yeap, haven't ever seen tht yet. Rarely.
fine, I take back...that's not "all they do here". But it's what most ppl do.
In front rows...you can always see a whole row, of fb, msn (well, everyone goes on), ppl playin counter-strike, watchin movies on youtube. I'm sure it's like that in all other universities...but here, EVERY ONE in front of you has a laptop, and everyone is doin sumthin else...besides payin attention. It's kinda hard not to notice...and get distracted; b4 u no it...you're rooting for the guy in front of u playin CS, instead of listening to...BIO. I can't listen to Bio.
---/music videos today...suck. Like actually, no video's are any good anemore, around this time...all producers and song writers think bout exactly the same thing.
they don't ever have anything new, it's always bout that one thing i guess...lust/love/sex/takin advantage of sex. I'm sick of those videos.
And...OHhhhh crappp, i'm late for class!!!! gg, later...
---/Today, i guess i just found out bout the asian-ness of my name (I thot it was a white name...cuse ConanoBrian?...and Conanabarian?). Well, I've met 2 other "Conans" in this skool + 1 at church so far...and they're all chinese. And there aren't that many...chinese ppl, especially here. Imagine 4 Conans...who are chinese...that look like me. Haha...i bet a painted a pic in ur head rite now. Scary isn't it...
1 of me is enough...there's enough of tht to go around. K, im just sounding really cocky rite now.
---/"Game all day,
play all night,
let's get it poppin,
I'm in UOIT trick..."
Like no joke, that's all they do here (including, a certain sumone...which i won't exactly point out. But i jus kinda did alreadi...by sayin tht.). Since this place is a "tech/laptop" skool...everyone has laptops any where they go, and ppl jus whip out their laptops and game any time they want. It's like a portable game/sharing device...and everyone has it. Ofc, u can use it for wrk too...yeap, haven't ever seen tht yet. Rarely.
fine, I take back...that's not "all they do here". But it's what most ppl do.
In front rows...you can always see a whole row, of fb, msn (well, everyone goes on), ppl playin counter-strike, watchin movies on youtube. I'm sure it's like that in all other universities...but here, EVERY ONE in front of you has a laptop, and everyone is doin sumthin else...besides payin attention. It's kinda hard not to notice...and get distracted; b4 u no it...you're rooting for the guy in front of u playin CS, instead of listening to...BIO. I can't listen to Bio.
---/music videos today...suck. Like actually, no video's are any good anemore, around this time...all producers and song writers think bout exactly the same thing.
they don't ever have anything new, it's always bout that one thing i guess...lust/love/sex/takin advantage of sex. I'm sick of those videos.
And...OHhhhh crappp, i'm late for class!!!! gg, later...
Monday, September 28, 2009
Yo...
yo, i lost my keys, my visa, my debit, my SID, my Didomi card, my health card, my SIN card, bus tickets, and $70. Yea, my wallet.
I lost it in the morning, found it at night.
i left it, and found it in the same place, my room.
I couldn't write my quizzes properly becuse of tht today, I had no idea wut happened in lectures.
Couldn't think bout ANY thing else...literally.
my thots were more of: "are there 'good' ppl...or 'bad' ppl in UOIT, if they're good, they'll return it...if they're 'bad' they'll keep it to themselves, and care less about the loser that's screwed over."
Tht was essentially it.
Guess i thot wrong.
I lost it in the morning, found it at night.
i left it, and found it in the same place, my room.
I couldn't write my quizzes properly becuse of tht today, I had no idea wut happened in lectures.
Couldn't think bout ANY thing else...literally.
my thots were more of: "are there 'good' ppl...or 'bad' ppl in UOIT, if they're good, they'll return it...if they're 'bad' they'll keep it to themselves, and care less about the loser that's screwed over."
Tht was essentially it.
Guess i thot wrong.
"Love, Love, Love"
“Love” (in the worldly context, I guess) is so weird, nowadayz.
How can people fall in love so easily. That...I don’t get.
You barely know the person…and you can love him/her the next day. Maybe it IS possible to know someone that well in one day.
But it feels like…you can jus “love” anyone these days. Any pretty girl that comes by, or any good-looking hot guy you meet…it’s not hard at all. If u no wut I mean. Well, it's not even only about tht, the looks always contribute to part of it...but just the "person" in general, overall. It's easy, to i guess...jus fall for a person, when u don't even know them yet.
JUST to clarify…I am NOT in any way, implying this to myself; nore relating/implying in any context or way about me. I've just been very "observant" lately. Yea, that's it...
Also, wut i think though...is when u think u no them, most likely for the first time, you really jus no the "good" side of them. You don't actually know them...i think. You know the side of them that they treat every other single person with, the first time they meet.
But, im sure there is a bit of truth to tht...for everyone.
Btw, I'm sorry for such a RANDOM topic...but u no me, how often are my topics unrandom or flow properly. I'm sure you noticed...---/Work is piling up, im not a big fan of blogging bout "skool nd work", Or i hate talking bout all the wrk i have nd stuff. I usually think bout other stuff i can write down about or have observed lately. Iunno, i just often avoid blogging bout skool. Just it being part of my life, is already enough. Besides, everyone's goin through the same thing...wut mre can i say about it. I try to avoid talking about how much life sucks in school. Cuse, it does for everyone...maybe not everyone. But for most ppl...well, only usually the "working/studying/ part...uni can fun in other ways.
---/I got nervous from talking to a sandwish-maker lady today…how wack is that, I haven't improved at all…
I hate the on-and-offness….either all on, or not "on" at all.
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Woowoo....
I honestly feel so at home...at SCAC.
Hate goin back (to UOIT, that is)...so early every week. The only times i see ppl is either Friday (at colluni), or Sun (during service). Parent's rules: No chilling on Sat, No chilling on Sun (which includes eating lunch, nd doin anything after service; because there's "no time" apparently).
Yea, so the reason being that i like my hometown so much is cuse:
Like, the fact that people remember me...and welcome me back (sometimes thro hugs, a wave, a call-out/acknowledgment, or a ball-sacking); even people i don't exactly know to well. like, I've always been thankful to those ppl.
Most people...when u don't see face-to-face for a while...they pretend, not to rmb or talk to you. Cuse usually, they don't feel too comfortable to. Cuse as i said b4, time changes everything. But in SCAC, EVERYONE (or at least...the majority of people i know) welcomes me back. And puts a =) on my face. You know how...great...it feels to be "remembered"...to feel as tight as you were...as if it were only a day ago. How "warm nd fuzzy" it feels...when someone is happy to see you.
As ppl say...or maybe I say..."happiness is contagious"...or would it be "cheerfulness is contagious"? iunno...since happiness deals mre with ur personal life...u can't exactly spread it...i think.
I have never been so thankful...that there are people like them, the kind of ppl i want/like to see...but never do.
And it made me feel kinda warm inside...to know how much we gr.12 (last yr) were missed. Altho, now dido, they're starting to adjust to the new environment...with the new gr.9s. I heard it's been kinda hectic actually. But eventually, they'll pick it up....just like we did. It always takes time...for new changes.
---/I suddenly day-dreamed, about a dream, that i dreamt about a few yrs ago. I was going to heaven again...I was in an elevator...going up, nd up, and up....tht's about all i have to say about it for now.
(sometimes, my dreams are like "fairy tales" in a totally different world...dreams get pretty ridiculous, but i can never realize it...while ur still in the dream, that is.)
I don't know if I've ever been to hell b4...dun think so. But I imagine they have everything there...everything you want. That "could" be the good prt.
It's the second part, that sucks (or makes it not worth it), when u get thrown into the lake of fire. If it weren't for that, think it would be alrite...
But the point, isn't tht. It's not the "earthly" stuff (the stuff u always desire) that u want; but...you usually you go for those. It's what u usually can't see, or something yet to be revealed or undertood...that is usually good for you. ok, tht sounded confusin.
---/Sorta Random:
I think this is normal for a human to feel/think:
- HAPPY, to know that someone thinks about you, or "misses" you.
- the want, to be NEEDED by somebody (not sure if tht's clear...)
- also...HAPPY to know that somebody else is happy to see you.
Cuse it all applies to me. Things like these really brighten up my day...
Hate goin back (to UOIT, that is)...so early every week. The only times i see ppl is either Friday (at colluni), or Sun (during service). Parent's rules: No chilling on Sat, No chilling on Sun (which includes eating lunch, nd doin anything after service; because there's "no time" apparently).
Yea, so the reason being that i like my hometown so much is cuse:
Like, the fact that people remember me...and welcome me back (sometimes thro hugs, a wave, a call-out/acknowledgment, or a ball-sacking); even people i don't exactly know to well. like, I've always been thankful to those ppl.
Most people...when u don't see face-to-face for a while...they pretend, not to rmb or talk to you. Cuse usually, they don't feel too comfortable to. Cuse as i said b4, time changes everything. But in SCAC, EVERYONE (or at least...the majority of people i know) welcomes me back. And puts a =) on my face. You know how...great...it feels to be "remembered"...to feel as tight as you were...as if it were only a day ago. How "warm nd fuzzy" it feels...when someone is happy to see you.
As ppl say...or maybe I say..."happiness is contagious"...or would it be "cheerfulness is contagious"? iunno...since happiness deals mre with ur personal life...u can't exactly spread it...i think.
I have never been so thankful...that there are people like them, the kind of ppl i want/like to see...but never do.
And it made me feel kinda warm inside...to know how much we gr.12 (last yr) were missed. Altho, now dido, they're starting to adjust to the new environment...with the new gr.9s. I heard it's been kinda hectic actually. But eventually, they'll pick it up....just like we did. It always takes time...for new changes.
---/I suddenly day-dreamed, about a dream, that i dreamt about a few yrs ago. I was going to heaven again...I was in an elevator...going up, nd up, and up....tht's about all i have to say about it for now.
(sometimes, my dreams are like "fairy tales" in a totally different world...dreams get pretty ridiculous, but i can never realize it...while ur still in the dream, that is.)
I don't know if I've ever been to hell b4...dun think so. But I imagine they have everything there...everything you want. That "could" be the good prt.
It's the second part, that sucks (or makes it not worth it), when u get thrown into the lake of fire. If it weren't for that, think it would be alrite...
But the point, isn't tht. It's not the "earthly" stuff (the stuff u always desire) that u want; but...you usually you go for those. It's what u usually can't see, or something yet to be revealed or undertood...that is usually good for you. ok, tht sounded confusin.
---/Sorta Random:
I think this is normal for a human to feel/think:
- HAPPY, to know that someone thinks about you, or "misses" you.
- the want, to be NEEDED by somebody (not sure if tht's clear...)
- also...HAPPY to know that somebody else is happy to see you.
Cuse it all applies to me. Things like these really brighten up my day...
Saturday, September 26, 2009
I had this dream once...
I was playing "meditation" music for people while they were praying in their seats during a communion or sumthin. I don't think the place was exactly a church, it was kinda sketchy...in my head. But as I was playing, I was just admiring the soft, soothing, sounds that were coming out from the piano, played by me. Inside, I thot: "Danggg, I'm a sick pianist...". I was so in the "mood" and "atmosphere" in the midst of all the music...everything felt right. Everything was going smooth...until some guy came up to me, and whispered into my ears: "You're playing too loud...".
I hesitated for a sec, but then I's like..."Ok", so i quieted down, and took the guy's advice, since i thot: I am here to serve and play for these people in order for them to calm their hearts down. And it's my job to help them, and make it easier for them to do so. So...I did so, and continued with the "wonderful, beautiful" playing of mine (that i thought).
A few minutes later, the same guy came back again and said somethin like "this music isn't exactly appropriate for this time...", or "you gotta play for God, not yourself..."...something like that. And Inside, I was starting to get pissed. I was like 'Again, with this guy...who does he think he is.' So i nodded once again, indicating that I understood, and he returned to his seat. I continued YET again...my beautiful, amazing playing...on the piano. A few moments later....
SHOOT ME THRICE, oh-no-you-did-n't, just do wut i think u did. The stupid old man (who knows nothing about music) decides to stand up and walk over again. 'Doesn't he get tired/annoyed of standing up all the time, like, ur old, take a seat...and don't hurt yourself.' This time, He came up and told me this: "That' not the right face and attitude to worship God...it's disgusting for ppl to look at."
Wut he didn't know...that it was HIS face, that was causing that problem. He kept starin' at me.
I couldn't stand it any more...or put up with the "good boy" face no more, I yelled at him and shouted: "It's all your! You go and play it...".
And with that, He played the most beautiful & amazing sounding music I've ever heard...in my life. So amazing, that I wish I could remember and replay in my dream what he had played. I just stood there in awe. And the congregation meditated with that...
Danggg, I got showed-up good. And i learned my lesson...which is...don't look down on old people! LOL. Hey, this reminds me bout the Bible verse in 1 Timothy 4:12 "Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young...", but i don't think it's ever mentioned about lookin down on old ppl. But same applies...
I guess....this dream revealed to me, how much self-pride I really have (altho, i've been aware of that...lately, or for quite a while). I am not able to take much criticism...in music that is.
I was playing "meditation" music for people while they were praying in their seats during a communion or sumthin. I don't think the place was exactly a church, it was kinda sketchy...in my head. But as I was playing, I was just admiring the soft, soothing, sounds that were coming out from the piano, played by me. Inside, I thot: "Danggg, I'm a sick pianist...". I was so in the "mood" and "atmosphere" in the midst of all the music...everything felt right. Everything was going smooth...until some guy came up to me, and whispered into my ears: "You're playing too loud...".
I hesitated for a sec, but then I's like..."Ok", so i quieted down, and took the guy's advice, since i thot: I am here to serve and play for these people in order for them to calm their hearts down. And it's my job to help them, and make it easier for them to do so. So...I did so, and continued with the "wonderful, beautiful" playing of mine (that i thought).
A few minutes later, the same guy came back again and said somethin like "this music isn't exactly appropriate for this time...", or "you gotta play for God, not yourself..."...something like that. And Inside, I was starting to get pissed. I was like 'Again, with this guy...who does he think he is.' So i nodded once again, indicating that I understood, and he returned to his seat. I continued YET again...my beautiful, amazing playing...on the piano. A few moments later....
SHOOT ME THRICE, oh-no-you-did-n't, just do wut i think u did. The stupid old man (who knows nothing about music) decides to stand up and walk over again. 'Doesn't he get tired/annoyed of standing up all the time, like, ur old, take a seat...and don't hurt yourself.' This time, He came up and told me this: "That' not the right face and attitude to worship God...it's disgusting for ppl to look at."
Wut he didn't know...that it was HIS face, that was causing that problem. He kept starin' at me.
I couldn't stand it any more...or put up with the "good boy" face no more, I yelled at him and shouted: "It's all your! You go and play it...".
And with that, He played the most beautiful & amazing sounding music I've ever heard...in my life. So amazing, that I wish I could remember and replay in my dream what he had played. I just stood there in awe. And the congregation meditated with that...
Danggg, I got showed-up good. And i learned my lesson...which is...don't look down on old people! LOL. Hey, this reminds me bout the Bible verse in 1 Timothy 4:12 "Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young...", but i don't think it's ever mentioned about lookin down on old ppl. But same applies...
I guess....this dream revealed to me, how much self-pride I really have (altho, i've been aware of that...lately, or for quite a while). I am not able to take much criticism...in music that is.
Friday, September 25, 2009
We love…cuse we wanna be loved back.
God loves...because He loves. Unconditionally. Because He's God. That is truly hard…I don’t think any human is capable of doing that.
How often do we love others…for no reason, unconditionally, with out something in return. I came to that realization today…after a Bible study.
Think about it, when we love…it’s always because we want something back…which in this case, could be “love”…or it could be anything else, really. But everything we do…is ALWAYS for our benefit. Even when you least think it is.
God loves...because He loves. Unconditionally. Because He's God. That is truly hard…I don’t think any human is capable of doing that.
How often do we love others…for no reason, unconditionally, with out something in return. I came to that realization today…after a Bible study.
Think about it, when we love…it’s always because we want something back…which in this case, could be “love”…or it could be anything else, really. But everything we do…is ALWAYS for our benefit. Even when you least think it is.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Journal #3 (Recollection of thots...)
Let's see how long this test can last. It's hard...but i need to know, what they say is true.
Besides, I might need it. Haven't really focused in a while....
---/ In a dream, it feels nothing like reality...but somehow, you just can't tell. Fine, maybe for the newbs, they can't tell...but there are ppl who can. And usually those are the ppl who can control, stop, or start a dream. Tht's some power man...I wish i had that power. Tht would be so sweet. Cuse dreams to me, dun feel any different from reality. It's like your own little world that you can create...with ur own pleasure and desire. That's if ur "strong" enough (if u no wut i mean...im not too sure, in what sense). The only thing that blows...is u have to wake up, and everything "shatters". Either u were having a good dream (not sure wut sort've good dream...), and it gets your "hope" up. Or, you were having a bad dream, and you STILL rmb, even tho you've waken up alreadi. Like, tht's happened to me before. Like, in a dream, I was mad at my mom for sumthin...and when I woke up, I yelled at her LOl. Which in turn, she yelled back at me. Which lead me to think...tht everything that had jus happened (in my dream) was true.
Also, I dreamt that i was in heaven once...and i woke up...on EARTH. dangg, that was such a turn off. That blew...hard, i thought i would get to see God, finally. Kinda weird and random part of my dream...but someone was trying to grab me down...as i was "rising" or going up to heaven. It's like, he wanted to hitch a ride up there usin me. Somehow...he snuck into heaven without God knowing (which we all know...wouldn't be true). By then, any "normal person with common sense" shud know it was a dream, but i didn't. Even if 'wack' stuff like that ain't possible in reality. Around there...I woke up.
---/ let's jus say...i was having a really "good" time once. Almost equivalent to being in heaven...ok, not quite a good comparison. But u no wut i mean...so i exagerrated a lil bit. I'm not going to comment, exactly on the dream...cud jus say it quite the "time of my life". And during the "time of my life"...my mother woke me up. My mother woke me up...to catch a friggin cockroach. danggg, I was pissed. It was getting...to the BEST part too. And...i was deprived/taken away of that "moment", "time" that i might have gotten for once, out of iunno forever. Dun wrry, I wasn't mad for longg. I can never get too mad fr too long...
funny times...
Also, Many of my dreams often involve the use of knives in them...
---/frignuts...
Baby...I belong to yee..
Besides, I might need it. Haven't really focused in a while....
---/ In a dream, it feels nothing like reality...but somehow, you just can't tell. Fine, maybe for the newbs, they can't tell...but there are ppl who can. And usually those are the ppl who can control, stop, or start a dream. Tht's some power man...I wish i had that power. Tht would be so sweet. Cuse dreams to me, dun feel any different from reality. It's like your own little world that you can create...with ur own pleasure and desire. That's if ur "strong" enough (if u no wut i mean...im not too sure, in what sense). The only thing that blows...is u have to wake up, and everything "shatters". Either u were having a good dream (not sure wut sort've good dream...), and it gets your "hope" up. Or, you were having a bad dream, and you STILL rmb, even tho you've waken up alreadi. Like, tht's happened to me before. Like, in a dream, I was mad at my mom for sumthin...and when I woke up, I yelled at her LOl. Which in turn, she yelled back at me. Which lead me to think...tht everything that had jus happened (in my dream) was true.
Also, I dreamt that i was in heaven once...and i woke up...on EARTH. dangg, that was such a turn off. That blew...hard, i thought i would get to see God, finally. Kinda weird and random part of my dream...but someone was trying to grab me down...as i was "rising" or going up to heaven. It's like, he wanted to hitch a ride up there usin me. Somehow...he snuck into heaven without God knowing (which we all know...wouldn't be true). By then, any "normal person with common sense" shud know it was a dream, but i didn't. Even if 'wack' stuff like that ain't possible in reality. Around there...I woke up.
---/ let's jus say...i was having a really "good" time once. Almost equivalent to being in heaven...ok, not quite a good comparison. But u no wut i mean...so i exagerrated a lil bit. I'm not going to comment, exactly on the dream...cud jus say it quite the "time of my life". And during the "time of my life"...my mother woke me up. My mother woke me up...to catch a friggin cockroach. danggg, I was pissed. It was getting...to the BEST part too. And...i was deprived/taken away of that "moment", "time" that i might have gotten for once, out of iunno forever. Dun wrry, I wasn't mad for longg. I can never get too mad fr too long...
funny times...
Also, Many of my dreams often involve the use of knives in them...
---/frignuts...
Baby...I belong to yee..
Monday, September 21, 2009
Funny how...
“I can get over, whenever I become mad at someone…if ever; but I can’t get over ppl getting mad at me.”
Sumthin bout me… “I don’t find it hard to forgive others…it’s always harder to forgive myself.”
Sumthin bout me… “I don’t find it hard to forgive others…it’s always harder to forgive myself.”
This was a past thot...but i just thot i would still record it down
"Friends, it's true can be there for u nd all...but one thing, they won't directly "care" about as a friend is your "academics", cuse first they don't even know ur need in that area. That shouldn't matter too much to them. Your academic success is up to you to achieve. And what does your academic success have to do with theirs? (mebbe im wrong...but tht's the thot that someone has ingraved in my mind). Friends (i've observed), are mainly they're to help emotionally, usually spiritually, and maybe mentally. But most likely not...academically. Cuse who wants to talk about tht stuff anyways. My parents, are probably the only one pushing me and reminding me, and supporting me with all tht. Just a thought. As you can see, my blog = my mind. It's the centre of my thoughts.
like, im sure...someone would help themselves academically before helping some other. (which is a correct, and totally reasonable thing to do). But our thoughts, as humans, are always..."competition". What i gain...i can't let another gain. You would put down another, to benefit yourself. Keep in mind, I'm still talkin bout "academic-wise".
e.g. when someone asks ur help...you'd be reluctant to, when you worked SO hard to achieve the knowledge you have...and now you have to share it. Cuse academics...is your TOTAL future! What else in life...
But a future in this life...doesn't really matter too much, i guess.
I noticed i went real off-topic there...Tht wasn't even my original point. But ehhh, when do I NOT go off track."
like, im sure...someone would help themselves academically before helping some other. (which is a correct, and totally reasonable thing to do). But our thoughts, as humans, are always..."competition". What i gain...i can't let another gain. You would put down another, to benefit yourself. Keep in mind, I'm still talkin bout "academic-wise".
e.g. when someone asks ur help...you'd be reluctant to, when you worked SO hard to achieve the knowledge you have...and now you have to share it. Cuse academics...is your TOTAL future! What else in life...
But a future in this life...doesn't really matter too much, i guess.
I noticed i went real off-topic there...Tht wasn't even my original point. But ehhh, when do I NOT go off track."
Journal #2
You know, I hate how time can eliminate every "thing".
Example:
- the Earth (one day, we're gunna die along with it, cuse the sun's going to eat it up)
- "Matter" (everything decomposes over time; disappearing essentially, and becoming part of the world)
In a different context,
- Friends (definitely, bound to lose those over time...)
- Grudges/awkwardness/anger (have u heard the phrase: "time eliminates awkwardness...", k maybe I made that up. But I'm sure you've probably heard of the phrase "time does eliminate the anger built up, time is like a chill pill that takes effect over periods..." ok, i made that up to. But it's true isn't it?!?)
"change" is constantly occuring physically, mentally & emotionally. And I guess, that's why we humans need to adapt to and consider these changes. Well, WE can change...for once.
But it's not the end...if there's something you really value and treasure, you have the power to prevent that change from happening.
Want sumthin real bad, go for it...cuse you'll get it for sure. (u no wut i mean...)
Need sumthin to happen, make it happen...cuse it'll happen for sure.
Nothin's really there to stop you.
Only God, if He really wanted to.
Sunday, September 20, 2009
BAck=) Hahha...
Renewed!...
O, the Lord is good to me, ♫
and so i thank the Lord, ♪
for giving me, the Friends I need, ♫
the care, and the love, of a giant sea, ♪
the Lord is good to me, friends-forgive-each-other ♪ ♫
Amen.
O, the Lord is good to me, ♫
and so i thank the Lord, ♪
for giving me, the Friends I need, ♫
the care, and the love, of a giant sea, ♪
the Lord is good to me, friends-forgive-each-other ♪ ♫
Amen.
Saturday, September 19, 2009
Journal entry #1 (...)
197th fact about me: I detest whenever i can talk on msn so well with ppl, but not in person (where i say nothin).
And when this happens...ur "msn friends" are hard to predict what they're thinking. Cuse, if you only talk to them on msn, but not in person, They might think...(wrds to describe it might by: "weird"..."awkward"..."strange"..."wut the heck"..."wut's the meaning of this"..."wut a puss-bag (lol)".)
This is what I broke it all down to. It's that knowledge. That knowledge that people are capable of thinking such things. That "knowledge" that you don't want to have. I wish i was an innocent, baby again. You can't believe in, or do something, that does not exist. Example of knowledge i DO NOT want, would be the knowledge of judging people. Also, the knowledge of self-consciousness, or the knowledge of being "able to lose confidence".
There can be "good", and "Bad" knowledge. It's good to know things...but not everything, is good to know. Knowledge seems like something we all want...and it is infinitely available. We're curious. But some things, I'm better off not knowing...or i wish i never knew.
So that's why when Adam & Eve ate the fruit from the "tree of the knowledge of Good & Evil", SIN came into the world. That's when sin gave birth...because they had KNOWLEDGE, knowledge of sin! They now knew what was bad (wut it meant to "sin") and what was good. And that's when the meaning of "death" came into play, when God told them, that they would die after they ate it. Because "the wages of sin is death."
Summary: Knowledge --> Sin --> Death
that's why, a while ago, i said "It's hard to trust ppl these days." It's because humans know so much more about each other now, through experience. We know what bad/evil/sinful things humans are campapble of. We're a sneaky generation.
E.g. A person can be maddd nice the first time you meet them. But in the present, when someone's nice, it doesn't mean he/she;s a good person. You don't know them...yet. It's hard to tell what people are like the first time you meet, cuse the world is capable of such sinful things nowardays. But because of that, no one trusts anybody. (btw, there is good in the world...)
Things aren't seen the way that it is anymore. Nothing seems llike the way it actually is. You'll never see what is "real" or what truly is "You".
This generation is nothing like a few generations back
From all this, ofc, I don't trust no one...I have bros and sis and Christ, that i would depend on and trust any time. It's just that...this can't apply to...the world in general.
Sorry...if this blog was a bit...ugghhh. or if i made anyone feel uncomfortable. Once again, just spoke exactly everything on my mind. Held nothing back.
i wonder if this is wut psychologists do...maybe tht cud be my new interest...other than the obvious...
And when this happens...ur "msn friends" are hard to predict what they're thinking. Cuse, if you only talk to them on msn, but not in person, They might think...(wrds to describe it might by: "weird"..."awkward"..."strange"..."wut the heck"..."wut's the meaning of this"..."wut a puss-bag (lol)".)
This is what I broke it all down to. It's that knowledge. That knowledge that people are capable of thinking such things. That "knowledge" that you don't want to have. I wish i was an innocent, baby again. You can't believe in, or do something, that does not exist. Example of knowledge i DO NOT want, would be the knowledge of judging people. Also, the knowledge of self-consciousness, or the knowledge of being "able to lose confidence".
There can be "good", and "Bad" knowledge. It's good to know things...but not everything, is good to know. Knowledge seems like something we all want...and it is infinitely available. We're curious. But some things, I'm better off not knowing...or i wish i never knew.
So that's why when Adam & Eve ate the fruit from the "tree of the knowledge of Good & Evil", SIN came into the world. That's when sin gave birth...because they had KNOWLEDGE, knowledge of sin! They now knew what was bad (wut it meant to "sin") and what was good. And that's when the meaning of "death" came into play, when God told them, that they would die after they ate it. Because "the wages of sin is death."
Summary: Knowledge --> Sin --> Death
that's why, a while ago, i said "It's hard to trust ppl these days." It's because humans know so much more about each other now, through experience. We know what bad/evil/sinful things humans are campapble of. We're a sneaky generation.
E.g. A person can be maddd nice the first time you meet them. But in the present, when someone's nice, it doesn't mean he/she;s a good person. You don't know them...yet. It's hard to tell what people are like the first time you meet, cuse the world is capable of such sinful things nowardays. But because of that, no one trusts anybody. (btw, there is good in the world...)
Things aren't seen the way that it is anymore. Nothing seems llike the way it actually is. You'll never see what is "real" or what truly is "You".
This generation is nothing like a few generations back
From all this, ofc, I don't trust no one...I have bros and sis and Christ, that i would depend on and trust any time. It's just that...this can't apply to...the world in general.
Sorry...if this blog was a bit...ugghhh. or if i made anyone feel uncomfortable. Once again, just spoke exactly everything on my mind. Held nothing back.
i wonder if this is wut psychologists do...maybe tht cud be my new interest...other than the obvious...
Friday, September 18, 2009
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Monday, September 14, 2009
phewww...work is crazy mann, alreadi. Gotta get a compsci assignment done by 8:00am tmr morning. Peaccee out.
---/ Oh, and also...I signed up for Campus for Christ Summit Retreat? see how campus fellowship is like...
I'm glad...cuse i haven't found one yet...in my campus.
---/ Alex is on fire...and Metric (never heard of this band) came to UOIT today...didn't go to their concert tho. They sounded pretty horrible far away...didn't feel like going closer.
---/ Oh, and also...I signed up for Campus for Christ Summit Retreat? see how campus fellowship is like...
I'm glad...cuse i haven't found one yet...in my campus.
---/ Alex is on fire...and Metric (never heard of this band) came to UOIT today...didn't go to their concert tho. They sounded pretty horrible far away...didn't feel like going closer.
Sunday, September 13, 2009
You can only "miss" something, that you have (or used to have, but is no longer there). Wut i mean is, you can only miss something...when there's 'something' to miss. Pretty straight forward actually.
I once thought...if i never had it, I wouldn't have to miss it.
But I realize...saying that would be the biggest mistake i would ever make in my life.
I once thought...if i never had it, I wouldn't have to miss it.
But I realize...saying that would be the biggest mistake i would ever make in my life.
lol..Part 3
- I think about doing 'something'...but i don't do it. Not because I'm lazy. Because I second guess myself b4 i actually do it. Or because i overthink it.
- When i have something in mind that I want to say, and i don't end up saying it (either if i forgot it or anythin...), then it feels awkward. Or at least...I'LL make it awkward. Cuse i just...go off track or mumble my way thro to replace what i really wanted to say, and somehow end the convo. Or sometimes, i just stop suddenly, stop talking i mean...and all of sudden, it's dead silent; the most awkard feelin ever. It's like the 'silent treatment' except you're not trying to not talk to the person. Just that, u can't...cuse ur handicapped.
This is quite a pointless blog, but i've been over-analyzing myself lately. And...this is my self-conscious side. If i ever had any other side.
I'm in uni now, and I'm still like this. I wonder if uni will change the way i see things...which, eventually changes the way i blog??
- When i have something in mind that I want to say, and i don't end up saying it (either if i forgot it or anythin...), then it feels awkward. Or at least...I'LL make it awkward. Cuse i just...go off track or mumble my way thro to replace what i really wanted to say, and somehow end the convo. Or sometimes, i just stop suddenly, stop talking i mean...and all of sudden, it's dead silent; the most awkard feelin ever. It's like the 'silent treatment' except you're not trying to not talk to the person. Just that, u can't...cuse ur handicapped.
This is quite a pointless blog, but i've been over-analyzing myself lately. And...this is my self-conscious side. If i ever had any other side.
I'm in uni now, and I'm still like this. I wonder if uni will change the way i see things...which, eventually changes the way i blog??
Haha...
today, I'm bus-ing back with Chris to UOIT, hope fr a safe trip! ofc, it'll be...
I just found out HOW cheap it is to bus. It's a half-hour trip (one-way) if i take the Go-Bus, only for $4.00. Save up on some gas money mann....this is Oshawa we're talking about. But pretty sure it's because of highway 407 (a highway that charges you money, but it's unbelievably faster). In a car, it took 45min (I timed this time...) to get there. If only i knew about this earlier...
I mean, why did i even res...just commute every day. Could've saved that $$$$$ for......sumthin, of better benefit. Wouldn't have felt so FArrr from SCAC/Dido/colluni...and have more chance to chillz...and i wouldn't have to miss pplz so much.
Another fact: UOIT, is actually the closest university, in terms of travelling time, in this area (30 min, dun think there's any uni like that. I mean, that's how long it took for me to get to elementary skool...bac in the day). Not Ryerson, UofT, or York...cuse u still gotta go downtown.
Oh and also, I'll be switching roomates soon, so i can room with Chris. Hopefully, my roomate's cool with tht...that nobody's gunna get the hurt or anything. But if anything, it'll take at least 2 weeks b4 we can actually start rooming together.
I just found out HOW cheap it is to bus. It's a half-hour trip (one-way) if i take the Go-Bus, only for $4.00. Save up on some gas money mann....this is Oshawa we're talking about. But pretty sure it's because of highway 407 (a highway that charges you money, but it's unbelievably faster). In a car, it took 45min (I timed this time...) to get there. If only i knew about this earlier...
I mean, why did i even res...just commute every day. Could've saved that $$$$$ for......sumthin, of better benefit. Wouldn't have felt so FArrr from SCAC/Dido/colluni...and have more chance to chillz...and i wouldn't have to miss pplz so much.
Another fact: UOIT, is actually the closest university, in terms of travelling time, in this area (30 min, dun think there's any uni like that. I mean, that's how long it took for me to get to elementary skool...bac in the day). Not Ryerson, UofT, or York...cuse u still gotta go downtown.
Oh and also, I'll be switching roomates soon, so i can room with Chris. Hopefully, my roomate's cool with tht...that nobody's gunna get the hurt or anything. But if anything, it'll take at least 2 weeks b4 we can actually start rooming together.
Random facts about me...(not relali, actually)
Like, I get frustrated at myself when I can't say what I want to say. But the thing is, ppl dunno that. They think I'm being frustrated at them, or tryina be defensive, or getting offensive...or just not interested in the convo.
I suck at talking...I already know. I end up saying the most randomest things (with the help of some *studders)
And yo, I'm such a kid sometimes. I act like one, literally. Kids (b4 a certain age) are usually selfish, asks a lotta questions, curious bout a lotta things. They don't know anythin about self-lessness, self-control, and impression/reputation nd stuff like that yet. They only care wut's "physically" good for them or gives them pleasure (srry, i hope tht's the rite word). At times, I stop caring for others, and only care bout myself. I don't care who I hurt, as long as I benefit from it. I really Hate...srry, "dislike" those ppl. And that is a truth about me, and proly quite a lot of others...since we're human. But im working on it.
And when ppl keep askin me about UOIT, I don't know what to say. Cuse i dun wanna start off with, "It's the crappiest place to be in..." (at the moment). No offense to UOIT. More directed at ppl there...it'll never be home, or feel like home there. At least, "spritually" it'll never be...there'z zit, zero clubs/fellowships i can join. That's y i would drag myself all the way back to Dido/colluni on the weekends, like my life depended on it.
Pet peeves (about myself): When ppl make the effort, and i don't.
Explanation: When someone talks to me cuse they care about me, or just out of their good intentions and good heart, I often ruin it for them. K, tht was just an example. But basically, when someone cares for me...I don't end up showing the same, in return. That also frustrates me when I can't do that. YEapp, that's more like it.
Sometimes, I just try to be humorous, but i can't. Ppl take me seriously. Like, I actually don't want that. I wanna be someone with a sense of humour too! I actually really hate serious ppl...too serious fr me. Usually, when you hang around "extremely serious" ppl; I'll be honest, they're quite boring. But be serious when it's a time to be serious, and joke/kid around when it's not. Ofc, I don't like a joker while doin serious stuff. But i can't stand...when everyone takes things literally, don't joke around, basically having no sense of humour. It relaxes the mood, and you'll enjoy it more.
I want to learn...how to say "NO".
to temptations of course...
I suck at talking...I already know. I end up saying the most randomest things (with the help of some *studders)
And yo, I'm such a kid sometimes. I act like one, literally. Kids (b4 a certain age) are usually selfish, asks a lotta questions, curious bout a lotta things. They don't know anythin about self-lessness, self-control, and impression/reputation nd stuff like that yet. They only care wut's "physically" good for them or gives them pleasure (srry, i hope tht's the rite word). At times, I stop caring for others, and only care bout myself. I don't care who I hurt, as long as I benefit from it. I really Hate...srry, "dislike" those ppl. And that is a truth about me, and proly quite a lot of others...since we're human. But im working on it.
And when ppl keep askin me about UOIT, I don't know what to say. Cuse i dun wanna start off with, "It's the crappiest place to be in..." (at the moment). No offense to UOIT. More directed at ppl there...it'll never be home, or feel like home there. At least, "spritually" it'll never be...there'z zit, zero clubs/fellowships i can join. That's y i would drag myself all the way back to Dido/colluni on the weekends, like my life depended on it.
Pet peeves (about myself): When ppl make the effort, and i don't.
Explanation: When someone talks to me cuse they care about me, or just out of their good intentions and good heart, I often ruin it for them. K, tht was just an example. But basically, when someone cares for me...I don't end up showing the same, in return. That also frustrates me when I can't do that. YEapp, that's more like it.
Sometimes, I just try to be humorous, but i can't. Ppl take me seriously. Like, I actually don't want that. I wanna be someone with a sense of humour too! I actually really hate serious ppl...too serious fr me. Usually, when you hang around "extremely serious" ppl; I'll be honest, they're quite boring. But be serious when it's a time to be serious, and joke/kid around when it's not. Ofc, I don't like a joker while doin serious stuff. But i can't stand...when everyone takes things literally, don't joke around, basically having no sense of humour. It relaxes the mood, and you'll enjoy it more.
I want to learn...how to say "NO".
to temptations of course...
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Hump-di-Dum..
Surprisingly, there's actually ppl who read my blog...found that out today. Random people, i wouldn't expect. (No offense to those ppl, i don't actually mean u guys are "random" ppl...jus a lil surprised)
Well, I guess my blog IS out there...for a reason, i guess.
Well, I guess my blog IS out there...for a reason, i guess.
I don't know HOW it's gunna work out...starting our own fellowship. I don't even have the "Standing Faith" needed to lead these people. I need someone to assist me, grow with me, and keep accountable for living out an "identity" for Christ. I need to be responsible. I need to be a leader. PLZ, has that time come yet.
The truth is...I don't really like it here.
Ppl drink, party, smoke, get high, stay out late, have sex, and swear soo much. And this stuff is happening ALL around me, with no one to back me up...in my faith. Not even Chris, unfortunately, altho he seemed eager at first. I don't want to be one to put down a bro in Christ, but i see...what i see. I too am also guilty, so i am not here to really judge anyone.
Uni IS one of the biggest test to whether you conform to the world; or transform others. You know how "stupid" you look when you try to transform others? Why would anyone wanna transform towards something that has restrictions...it's all about freedom, selfishness, and living LIFE rite now! Who cares about living for anything else?? Who cares about living for One greater than you, and being someone lower...like you're His *(there's a word i have in mind, but i will not use it)*!! Who cares about the "real life" in store for you. Who cares about "Jesus First, Others Second, and yourself last"? Who the frig caresss?!?!?
it's YOJ, not JOY...YOJ is such a disgusting word, if it even is one.
There are no fellowships here, nothing (I thot there was, cuse i was told..)...so i couldn't directly find a brother or sister in Christ there, even if i wanted to. Everyone there, iunno, seems too "different"...in a bad way, this time. Such a way, that I'm not really use to. It's just that...I thought I would find a dim light, in the midst of all this "darkness" i guess. Altho a dim light, still a light. But i didn't find any...
*sigh...
Was i ever prepared Father....
I feel most at home at SCAC.
who knows, it might get better when school starts. When ppl gotta step it up anyways. There'll be less partying i guess.
Ppl drink, party, smoke, get high, stay out late, have sex, and swear soo much. And this stuff is happening ALL around me, with no one to back me up...in my faith. Not even Chris, unfortunately, altho he seemed eager at first. I don't want to be one to put down a bro in Christ, but i see...what i see. I too am also guilty, so i am not here to really judge anyone.
Uni IS one of the biggest test to whether you conform to the world; or transform others. You know how "stupid" you look when you try to transform others? Why would anyone wanna transform towards something that has restrictions...it's all about freedom, selfishness, and living LIFE rite now! Who cares about living for anything else?? Who cares about living for One greater than you, and being someone lower...like you're His *(there's a word i have in mind, but i will not use it)*!! Who cares about the "real life" in store for you. Who cares about "Jesus First, Others Second, and yourself last"? Who the frig caresss?!?!?
it's YOJ, not JOY...YOJ is such a disgusting word, if it even is one.
There are no fellowships here, nothing (I thot there was, cuse i was told..)...so i couldn't directly find a brother or sister in Christ there, even if i wanted to. Everyone there, iunno, seems too "different"...in a bad way, this time. Such a way, that I'm not really use to. It's just that...I thought I would find a dim light, in the midst of all this "darkness" i guess. Altho a dim light, still a light. But i didn't find any...
*sigh...
Was i ever prepared Father....
I feel most at home at SCAC.
who knows, it might get better when school starts. When ppl gotta step it up anyways. There'll be less partying i guess.
Friday, September 11, 2009
Warning! the following might not make a lotta sense.
K, here goes,
feel bad for ditching Chris...
Cuse i feel like i just made accountability with Chris, that we would kinda walk together in Christ. And do devotions together...in the midst of all these distractions.
But today, I left him...I feel so bad. Altho i was in a rush...is this what a caring brother's suppose to do? After praying for him that night, after showing myself as a caring brother in Christ, I don't want to ruin this relationship...or what's left of it. I don't want to ruin our relationship with Christ.
to be honest...don't know how i'm feelings with my walk with Christ. As i hang along with all these new ppl...including Chris.
i mean, they were watching...late night, sex shows. I did not know what to do.
PLZ help me make the right friends Lord.
feel bad for ditching Chris...
Cuse i feel like i just made accountability with Chris, that we would kinda walk together in Christ. And do devotions together...in the midst of all these distractions.
But today, I left him...I feel so bad. Altho i was in a rush...is this what a caring brother's suppose to do? After praying for him that night, after showing myself as a caring brother in Christ, I don't want to ruin this relationship...or what's left of it. I don't want to ruin our relationship with Christ.
to be honest...don't know how i'm feelings with my walk with Christ. As i hang along with all these new ppl...including Chris.
i mean, they were watching...late night, sex shows. I did not know what to do.
PLZ help me make the right friends Lord.
The weekends...
Reasons I should come back on weekends:
- upper junior choir pianist (junior church)
- good food (that my mom cooks)
- see the faces of long lost didomites, not really.
- for fellowship (no fellowships at UOIT)
- upper junior choir pianist (junior church)
- good food (that my mom cooks)
- see the faces of long lost didomites, not really.
- for fellowship (no fellowships at UOIT)
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
...
You know what's cool today. Me and Chris did devotions together, for the first time in university! We looked at Romans (which talked about conforming to the world...i thot it was a good reminder), then we read the REVELATIONS, haha. It's quite an interesting book. Really reminds us, to step up our game; and to be on our guard against worldly temptations. Cuse the time's almost near.
Me and Chris have decided to meet every night (or morning, mebbe) to read a chapter and discuss about it. After, we have our own lil prayer meeting. Hopefully, it'll grow into a bigger group. You know.
Me and Chris have decided to meet every night (or morning, mebbe) to read a chapter and discuss about it. After, we have our own lil prayer meeting. Hopefully, it'll grow into a bigger group. You know.
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Monday, September 7, 2009
Mhmmm...
Danggg, it's so hard to meet new ppl at UOIT. Esp when they're all big and white (no racial comment intended, altho...tht doesn't really solve anything).
In fear...
I'm afraid. Suddenly. Afraid for me, and my identity.
To be honest, even with Chris. Suddenly gotta chill down my spine.
"It's true I was tired...but somethin else was bothering me..."
To be honest, even with Chris. Suddenly gotta chill down my spine.
"It's true I was tired...but somethin else was bothering me..."
Sunday, September 6, 2009
0_0
uni can be quite a scary place. Especially when your alone.
No roomate. No Chris. Just myself, in an empty room. Too afraid to go out. It's gettin' kinda dark. I'll do stuff tmr.
Mann...can't believe Chris took so long to get things together. But wutever, I really hope to see him soon.
No roomate. No Chris. Just myself, in an empty room. Too afraid to go out. It's gettin' kinda dark. I'll do stuff tmr.
Mann...can't believe Chris took so long to get things together. But wutever, I really hope to see him soon.
Friday, September 4, 2009
It's here.
i guess this is it...
♫As we move on...♫
We remember...
♫All the weird and awkward times we....♫
had to-gether.
la-la-la....di-da
Sweet love....
-Conan Yu
♫As we move on...♫
We remember...
♫All the weird and awkward times we....♫
had to-gether.
la-la-la....di-da
Sweet love....
-Conan Yu
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Taste of free will and a bit of power...
So this is what it feels like. True freedom.
- facebook
- youtube
- hotmail
- msn
- myspace (even tho i dun use it)
- all sites tht were ever blocked..
all within my grasp, at will to access. This is either gunna be a new experience or a great test for me.
I'm sure that's not going to be nearly all the freedom that I'll be experiencing in uni. But that's already a big part for me.
- youtube
- hotmail
- msn
- myspace (even tho i dun use it)
- all sites tht were ever blocked..
all within my grasp, at will to access. This is either gunna be a new experience or a great test for me.
I'm sure that's not going to be nearly all the freedom that I'll be experiencing in uni. But that's already a big part for me.
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
My Residence Buddy!...
Currently, my residence status shows that I'm rooming with some guy named "Nicholas Chung"
He's:
- Chinese
- friend's kinda seem like druggies & drunkies
- He seems like a nice guy (in the pic)
- St. Robert Catholic High School (anyone know him?)
- His phone#: (905)...
(Yea, i facebooked him)
I'll be sharing the same room, sleepin in the same bed, and working in the same room as him.
Think im up for it!
Chris Chan handed in his form late so...'way to go Chris', I jk, I jk, I kid.
But this may be a good experience. Somehow, I'm really looking forward to this.
He's:
- Chinese
- friend's kinda seem like druggies & drunkies
- He seems like a nice guy (in the pic)
- St. Robert Catholic High School (anyone know him?)
- His phone#: (905)...
(Yea, i facebooked him)
I'll be sharing the same room, sleepin in the same bed, and working in the same room as him.
Think im up for it!
Chris Chan handed in his form late so...'way to go Chris', I jk, I jk, I kid.
But this may be a good experience. Somehow, I'm really looking forward to this.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
