I wanna love like you do. Altho i mite not be as affectionate and physically loving as most other ppl...I wanna love like You.

No matter how i end up expressing it.

It's God's...Not mine.

It's God's desire. Not my desire. So whatever the outcome, i should not worry/dwell over it too much, cuse I've already done my part. Tht WUS my part. It's God's choice now. I'm just a...servant/messenger. God's the real One working.

Lately, I've been realli worked up about ppl coming to church when i invite them, cuse when ppl end up letting me down, it discourages/breaks me so much...tht they aren't able to come.

I take it too hard, when ppl aren't willing to come to church (when i invite them), or when people back out at the last minute because they think have better things to do...or they just chicken out. But i jus have to remember: I invited them, and that's what I am called to do, and I did it. I was called to do nothing more.

My parents love me...that's all they did.

I think I somewhat understand now...if at all. I can sorta see where the source of all this..."behaviour" is all coming from.

My parents love me too much, to let me go. They can't bare to see me leave their side/presence for ppl like my friends instead; cuse each and everytime i do, it means the lesser they get to spend time with me and be able to "convince"/brain-wash me that they're the best/coolest ppl to hang around with. The less they are able to do that...the less closer, and the more distant they feel from their most precious baby child.

Sometimes, I take all that love for granted most of the time. Even to a point, tht i've felt like: "Don't give me all that love, take some back...cuse tht love restricts me from most of the things i desire to do."

Btw, HAPPY FATHER'S DAY dad....it wus a great one, esp wit you.

The church isn't a facility.

it's a place for outreach.

It's not a place where u can take advantage of, or ab-use at any desired time (unlike a community center).

I often find i lose the main purpose to why I bring people to church.

I am NOT comfortable with "certain" ppl, at "certain" times.

Not that I have anything against them or anything. Tht's me...most of the time. I am somewhat, in a way...anti-social. I can be.

Call it mood swings. Some ppl might say it's normal. I would think other wise.

I don't know how to get rid of that. The solution's not exactly easy and straight forward either.

No Worries...?

To truly get something done, u gotta worry about it. It's true.

If you don't worry, you won't finish anything. (Once i stopped worrying, i felt so much better...but i pretty much gave up on it; which if u ask me, was not good. Life isn't easy, even the Bible says so...u gotta work hard. Bringing ppl to Christ isn't easy, you gotta worry bout them, for their future life...in order to do God's work)

We are often told NOT to worry.

But worrying is what drives you to finish sumthin.

Ex. when i worry that i'll fail a test, i strive to concentrate super hard on it; so i do NOT fail that test.

The Bible tells us not to worry. But it's not that you dun need to worry bout anything in life, that everythings gonna be done for you jus by faith. But to TRUST in the Lord always, to lead your future paaathh straight=)

Still gotta pull ur part.

I gotta live tht christian identity...nd not be weird (in front of their eyes) at the same. Definitely hard.

Thnx for the arguments/debates Dad...there's always more and more to talk about.

ok ok...so my dad pointed this out,

And it jus so always happens, that most of the things he points out, is never in agreement on my side/part. I find that we like to disagree a lot. Go up against each other. If there's no fight/debate/discussion, then it's never interesting to both of us LOL.

So my dad pointed this out...in the Bible it says: "(yet to find verse...jus know it's in 1Timothy somewhere...i'll update when i have time lolz)"

which basically says that women should not get caught up in "earthly" beauty on earth. Nd yet...even "men" do it now (present day).

He was referring to one of my friends which offended me a bit. He's like..."wut has the world become of nowadays" kinda expression." "In the Bible, it already does NOT encourage women to engage themselves in beauty. And now, Even guys are doin it??" Esp. guys that wear earings; that was the form of beauty he was referring to. (Cuse a LOTTA my friends wear earings now...nd my Dad's not comfortable with it. He can't stand looking at it.)

To me, when guys wear earings nowadays, it doesn't mean they're gay (at least if they where it on the left (right) side). It's jus the style of the present world...or around Markham, lol iunno. But i know my dad has that impression of them, tht this could "possibly"..."potentially"...lead to (lack of better words) "homosexuality".

I was TOTALLY offended and TOTALLY disagreed. Since none of my friends that wear earings...show any of sign of tht, at least not yet. nd they're christian...if tht says much. + they have a gf. haha

So can anyone tell me...wut does God hafta say about ppl wearing earings? srry for such mo liu questions...

--------------------

Side: My dad and I had yet ANOTHER argument. But it was so mo liu...i thot.

He's like...the Bible doesn't SAY that there is only ONE tree of knowledge, and ONE tree of life. Cuse i was askin another question previously (u may have seen in previous blogs).

So i showed him this: Genesis 2:9

"...In the middle garden, were the tree of life and the tree of the knowledge of good and evil." Notice, that they were "TREE" and not "TREES" LOL.

But yea, his basic argument was..."wut if the english translator did it wrong, you can't totally rely on them." nd He said that right after...i sorta proved him wrong, by showing him.

But yea...tht wus his argument. That only the original language...Hebrew, could be entirely positively trusted. Who knows wut happens through translation he says.

But no worries...most of the time, my dad has a more logical sense of argument lol. No offense. My dad has a lot of insight most of the time.

Sometimes...I wish God could just LAY OUT specifically every single thing He wants us to do, STRAIGHT TO THE POINT in the Bible. You can not change a "fact"?...when it is CLEARLY stated.

There's always "parables" used to express an idea in His teachings. And in the Bible, hardly anything can be taken for its literal meaning (cuse it always connects and relates...and it's ur job to piece it bac together).

If He did that, there wouldn't be so many different interpretations of it. There wouldn't be so many cults, false religions, and wanna be christian-ity. Ppl would not be able to explain God's word in any other way...cuse there's nothin to explain.

If the Bible was already Interpreted (by God)...then WE wouldn't need any more OTHER interpretations. No one could twist or change the meaning, in the word of God.

NEW QUESTION...

When God made the Garden of Eden, He put in this garden...the Tree of Knowledge & the Tree of Life (in the middle).

Why did Adam & Eve choose the tree of knowledge of Good and Evil, over the Tree of Life?

...Living forever...or knowing Good & Evil.

I wonder how it'd be like now...if they chose the Tree of Life...wud we, be livin forever?? LOL. Probably not. Since only God's in control of that. On top of that, God actually never said they could not eat from the Tree of Life. Why didn't they...?

Adam and Eve seemed pretty gullable back then lol, well...if they knew how to think...they wouldn't listen to satan, and eat the Tree of Life instead. WHYyy the Tree of Knowledge?? Wut good does knowledge do u? lol. Some things...i would rather not know. It's true. Not knowing is better than knowing...sometimes. I would know. haha.

Here'z sumthin new...church is a place...to check out hot girls.

Cuse apparently, there are a lot LOL. It's jus the place to be...for hot girls, nowadays.

I guess if ppl go to church for any other reason...it wud be tht.

who wud've ever thought of it. Like, that jus took away...from y we all go to church anemore. Y we have a family in Christ.

It's the thing...these days.

Inviting non-christians to learn bout Christ is cool in all (that's IF they do, hopefully). But at the same time...im learning bout so many new things...tht maybe i wish i didn't know about before. I can not conform to the world, but transform them. It's jus the matter of...which side is stronger. Which side i let take over me. Who i end up giving in to....haiizz mann.

I'm sorry, if bringing this up...might've had an negative impact on anyone. I jus wanted to share...wut i recently found.

first big "plunge"...

So...i guess today went quite well...

there were some good sides...and down sides. But im greatly encouraged by "better" side, since i saw that they were willing to at least give it a chance & opened up their hearts and minds to what the 1st yrs had to say. Tryina be a lil more optimistic...

Well, I did my part...now it's time for the Holy Spirit/God to do HIS. I will not be discouraged...since I did, in a way wut God had always called us to do. So im jus gonna lift the rest up to Him. And...nothing works without prayer.

P.S. Plz pray fr me...nd these ppl...that God would wrk THROUGH me, and work IN the ppl.

-Conan Yu

Wut the heckkk...(pt.2)

wooww, i feel a lot mre encouraged now.

Well, i guess these things jus always take some time...nd all you have to do, is keep up the consistent wrk of what God call us to do, nd He'll answer our prayers soon enough. For me, when i learned to encourage others...others finally seem to understand, nd even encouraged me back. And these our non-christians we're talking about...that don't normally, do such things (at least, from wut i've observed in the past). I gave...and I received (in others words, God had given back=) )

Wut the heckkk...

felt a lil discouraged today...cuse the ppl who i was originally encouraged by because of their "yearning heart" for a need to come to church, really came for the "wrong" reason the whole time. Like today, i saw that...they didn't realli wanna come to fellowship at all. They jus wanted to come fr wut i originally sorta "conditioned" them to come for. Which is to play badminton, or break dance lol. But they'll still be comin...like one of their comments were "There's gonna be 20 min of badminton, and THREE hours of fellowship time!"

another comment was... "yeaaa, i'll stay for badminton....nd then i'll leave fr fellowship" (Inside I go: "THen why the heck am i bringing u here forr??")

And ppl are starting to take advantage of me through this...by seeing that im a bit vulnerable in this area; they threaten me not to come to church unless i did sumthin for themm....nd im like, wut the heckk. (Even tho i still did it...but it wasn't to demonstrate that they had control over me that way; but i jus would have done it anewayz).

Someone also asked: "Are u SURE non-christians are allowed in church?" (nd I'm like battling inside on how to react, cuse i really didn't know wut to think....i wus frustrated, and in disbelief at the same time). Like i jus don't think they know the whole purpose of y i do wut i do...like, THAT IS our job (altho they may not know), it's wut God calls us to do. I dunno mann..

..................................................................

But it's weird, non-christians think they're not welcomed for some reason. jus cuse they are NON-christians, and that church is only a place "where christians gather". yeaaa, dun no wut the source of tht is...

Despite all this tho, as a christian, i don't think i should have this kinda mindset...i should continue to try my best, nd i guess pray about it. Cuse this stuff doesn't just come so instant...nd easy. Can't stop encouraging...tht something i CAN NOT lose.


















♫ Lean on me, when you're not strong ♫

♪ cuse i wanna be your friend, ♫ ♪

i wanna help you...carry on. woaaahh ♪ ♫

(...great song...)

stayin up till 3:00....fr wut?

stayin up late...isn't so much of a problem fr me.

But stayin up late...doing NOTHING is.

You no wut...tht's exactly how i feel rite now...

oh yeaa, i gratefully....accept this trophy.

Randomz...

Someone once told me: "you can't doubt something that's not there"

I'm guessing it's cuse there's nothing tangible you can doubt; so if it's not there, you can't doubt it. I thought that was pretty smart at first...cuse i didn't really understand it, and couldn't process as fast. But all i know, is that it made me feel better at that time. lol

But as i look back...it doesn't reassure me that there IS a God either. It's only telling me that He can't be NOT there (cuse i doubted, if He was NOT there...I could not & would not be able to doubt?), but it can't prove He's there either! LOl. Not too sure how helpful that was...but i still thank that person for the encouragement.

Side:

Is it possible to "reverse/transform" that saying into: "You can only doubt something...when it's there." But actually, the more i think about it...you can only "doubt", when you HAVE something to doubt. Doesn't necessarily mean it's there. It's jus some "THING" for you to doubt, but it doesn't make it exist either; because you still don't know that. You just know that possibly...potentially, it could exist?

Hope my thoughts were organized well enough...



Randomz (ideas, thoughts, comments throughout the week)

- "there is no God, cuse unfortunate events always happen. i.e. I fell down the stairs yesterday"

- "What is the purpose? Why?"

- "Can God create something so ultimate & powerful, that He Himself cannot hold?"

- "incestry"

- "how powerful is your God?"

- "Carbon dating tells us the earth is 4.6 billion years old. The historical context of the Bible only dates back to 7000-8000 years ago."

Those who have not heard (let alone receive) the great news...can not enter the gates of heaven.

That is...sad. Whyyy, nd God, ur letting it happen too. I don't get that.

I can't even imagine...the amount of ppl, who jus never get that chance.

hormones are human nature that often cause us to sin...

Why did God make it?

But then again, it's sumthin we all need...but at the same time, it can lead to impure actions.

I used to think...

Jesus came to this earth...to die for us...it had to be done; it wasn't much of a choice. It was the one & only main purpose.

So in order for that to take places, ppl needed to "sin" in order to nail Him to the cross. So i kinda always thought: "since Jesus had to die on the cross, it was inevitable. So the ppl who had sinned in order to nail Him...were also inevitable."

So at a point i was thinking...could u blame those ppl? Cuse they were all part of the plan. If they had not nailed Jesus to the cross, we would not be saved. But Jesus ofc, took the ultimate suffering in place of us. But i jus thought...someone would need to carry this task out. And inevitably, the ppl who crucified Jesus were manipulated (or used/controlled) to do so. Cuse they could not NOT nail Him...or else we would not be saved today.

I guess this wasn't such a pleasant thought...

But, I answered my own question:

"The world was already so sinful. If the world wasn't so sinful in the first place, there wouldn't even be a need for Jesus to come down. So it was purely the nature of humans that decided to nail Jesus to the cross, the work of sin. God did not need to prepare for this sacrifice of His son, the sin of mankind took care of itself."

Piano Playa...

When u play piano...do u think of each and every single note you're about to play? No...you let your fingers + emotions (usually) take it away. What happens when u think of every single note, b4 u play it...ur rite, u screw up. Why? Cuse ur over-thinking about it! It's like over-analyzing something more than you need to.

In the same way, it's just like double-thinking. Never think...bout wut ur thinking. Cuse u'll never think normally/naturally again. If you think bout being natural, it won't be natural. If you DON'T think about being natural...then it's a given...u'll be natural ofc. The hard part is, how do you get yourself to NOT think about thinking of being natural. I'd need sumthin to distract me.

(And if I'm able to type bout all this stuff...then CLEARLY, I'm thinking about it LOL.)

And tht's so true fr piano-ing too. I play better when i think bout other stuff...when i take my mind off the keyboard. Wut'z even better...is if the piano expresses/reflects my thoughts. Instead of my thoughts (of frustration) expressing due to the piano (sounding crappy).

Thot tht was a SICK analogy. lol

An answer...Finally.

Xanga'n blog:

Personal Reflection:

Well, I've been thinking back a few Bible studies I had a while ago. I remember it was about the things the devil (satan) doesn't want you to know bout him. Actually, I don't remember all the points. But I learned that Satan is "limited" in power:
1) He is not everywhere at once
2) He does not have all the power in the world
3) He can't hear what we say in our prayers
4) He has limited knowledge about us unlike God.

I can never understand why "Satan" couldn't be happy enough worshiping God. I wouldn't find more joy in heaven doing anything else than worshiping God. I don't understand why satan could just get jealous of God. How could Satan have turned out the way he is to begin with. Cuse i always thought....heaven was a sinless place. How did sin enter the Kingdom of Heaven?. Even though I no....Adam & Eve may have been the first to fall into temptation and sin.....but it was because they were tempted by the devil. But I really always wonder why and how the devil/satan could just turn away from God in the first place. Like, if it weren't for that.......the world wouldn't be the way it is right now. There would be no hell....and maybe, we might still be in the Garden of Eden..lol.

Bernard finally answered me on that one (actually, i asked this about...2 yrs ago lol):

K, i have a few things to add to that actually:

- How did sin enter the kingdom of heaven?
- Satan had become jealous, and he was filled with pride.
- Is being jealous, and prideful a sin?
- yes (it usually follows through with action)
- So how did satan sin in the first place? I thought heaven was a place of no sin. (this is where i learned something new)
- In the very beginning, even angels were able to sin. So heaven was NOT a sinless place back then.
- But I thought God made everything perfect?
- If angels could not sin, there would be no free will would there?...God created angels also, they are servants of God, but they too have a choice...just like us.
- So if we go to heaven, we can also sin too?...since we're given free will.
- I don't know if you've ever looked at it this way, but when ppl mention freedom, most think that it is the free will to do anything. But have you tried thinking of it this way, that you are "free from something", instead of being free to do wutever. In this case, we are freed from sin. So therefore, we will never sin in heaven, because we have been freed from it. It wouldn't really be an option to sin. And therefore, we are living in a sinless heaven, and be perfect...in a way.
- Also, in the "new" heaven...(not the one b4, in the beginning) it will be a perfect place, a sinless place. Ever since God sent Jesus to die on the cross for our sins, we have been freed...and made sinless when we enter the kingdom of heaven.
- OHHHHHHhhhh icccccc....thnx!

hope i got every point....

yo...i really hope this helps...cuse it really helped me.

Note: Some ideas nd sentences may be repeated throughout...imma apologize in advance

It's kinda sad, how on the day of judgement...those who you loved on earth, and those who you had a close relationship with in the temporary life...won't really matter at all when we get to heaven. You don't know them the same way in heaven...which is, they are no longer close to you (in the same way as if u were on earth); because we'll ALL be TIGHT in heaven. There is no rank, there is no relationship, we're jus one BIG family.

At present time, you wish to bring each and every loved one to eternal life in heaven. But when you get to heaven, you no longer have that same "connection", or relationship. God forbid, if someone you loved so dearly, could not enter the gates of heaven...simply because he had not received and heard the gift of salvation; That would suck...if you had to look down from heaven, and see such a sight happen right before your eyes. Fortunately, in heaven, there is no sadness, and there is no sorrow, so you can't feel sad for someone you knew on earth who you didn't get to meet again in heaven.

But on the other hand, if you look at it, it ALSO sucks...looking at it from an earthly perspective. On earth, you worked so hard to spread the gospel and lead ppl to Christ. Some accepted, some didn't. And when ppl don't...you are broken inside, that you may never be able to see him/her in the future kingdom in heaven. But once, you're in heaven...there IS no relationship...so you would NOT know how to feel sorry for the guy who you always wanted to share this gift to, but fell away (or never heard) in the end. Or else, heaven wouldn't be a place of joy, and happiness.

All the friends and family on earth mean everything to us at the moment. But rmb...God made everything, He can also take it away. When we're in heaven, there is no relationship...because we have become a family in Christ, in heaven; and we live only to serve and glorify Him forever nd ever.

My question was always (summary): On earth, we care so much...but in heaven, it won't matter. What we do on earth...means nothing (emotion wise) when we get to heaven...if we get to heaven.

"It matters to us now.
It won't matter to us then."

These were my previous, recent thoughts. But i realized, this isn't exactly the best way to look at it. It DOES matter now. In this earthly life, God created us, and we're all children of God that He so treasures the most. We wanna bring all the children that belong to Him...back to Him. So in this life, it is important to do what we were sent to do on this earth. Don't wait, until the day of judgement...you won't even know how to regret it.

Take hold of this opportunity...seeing that, it's one that we may all work best in, b4 it's too late.

(I think i repeated many of my ideas through out...srry, to whoever's reading)

Today...i got to talk to a science teacher about religion.

The topic was about...how "Science and Religion Get Along". It was a great discussion. The most easy-going discussion i ever had with someone who was non-christian.

I've decided to write down every single question i ever have about my own faith or about God's word. That would be interesting.