Try this

One way to feel close to others...is to be completely comfortable, open, and "let-loose" a little. Almost, basically, "Be yourself". Say what you say, Feel what you feel....err i mean, SAy what you feel? No hidden, all transparent.

You and I were made to...love

We are called to love...

even annoying ppl...haha. But don't laugh tho, it sounds all "right thing to do", but i bet you can't deny that it IS indeed hard. To love someone...you don't even wanna be around with so much.

And love your enemies...that's the hardest part of love, you can ever go through.

Back again?

Arghhh, it's coming back...I thought it was overr

I just realized, i don't really have any "close" friends. Friends that I wouldn't see in a while, but be happy (if not jumping for joy) to see me again. I don't think I have any that close.

BFF, is that what I'm looking for? not sure. Someone I could share with and grow with for sure though.

There's really not much to say, when I see the friends around me now. Sometimes, I gotta force something out to say; but I've learned not to. That I don't have to.

I'm sure it is also my fault. The way I am.

--//When I mentioned before..."Friends that I wouldn't see in a while, but be happy (if not jumping for joy) to see me again."

It's probably because I don't make the same effort either. But again, I'm always tired of making the move first...it's always me. I just stopped after a while.

It's different if they're newcomers (to church), that, i would gladly welcome them whole-heartedly because: 1) I can't stand newcomers who know NOBODY in church who are not very clued in, not very welcomed, and have no one to talk to. I just can't stand to see people like that, makes me uncomfortable. 2) It feels great welcoming them, RIGHT after i do it. I even tell myself "That felt great! making someone feel like they're part of our church".

I'm sorry I had to complain and sulk here, cuse i wouldn't do it anywhere else. After all, it's really not about us (or me for that matter), it's pretty selfish to think that way. Cuse i know what the right thing to do is. But what goes through my mind, is what goes through my mind.

Beauty

I think that beauty "now", has caused us to lose real love.

Because now, we look so much more on the outer beauty than the inner beauty.

WE "show love" because we desire, we lust for their outer beauty. The world right now FULL of earthly beauty. More and more physically attracting.

The wrong thing attracts us now. We long for desire, pleasure, lust. The 'feel good' of being with someone beautiful or someone you desire.

Really, because we love them for not really who they are, but how they look. Ok, ok, don't stone me yet or anything, but now, I'm also gonna say a lot of people DO look in the inner part. Their personality. But I'm just saying, outer beauty plays too much of a role in attracting us people. It's very rare that we care for people from the BOTTOM of our HEARTS now.

I know I am. Which distracts me from serving sometimes.

Bottom point: "Nowadayz, we really love to 'like' people because they're physically attractive or just SOMETHING about them attracts you. But I say we should go back to how God probably intended us to do originally, is just to love one and other, love brothers and sisters in Christ. Don't show favoritism to those you desire."

I will NOT (I will NOT)...Be afraid...♫

Sometimes I realize i can talk...a LOT, that I'm capable of that.

And sometimes, I'm just plain shy...

Sometimes I can interact with people REALLY well. REALLY get to know them.

And sometimes, I watch every single word i say, feeling helpless (i think i can describe it as that), maybe a little fear.

Sometimes I'm afraid

Sometimes I'm NOT afraid.

When I feel like talking, I don't think about it, it's like an adreneline, i don't even know, can't find the right description for it. But it just happens. Things just happen, and nothing about it. It's natural.

When I don't feel like talking, I am monitoring myself 100%. I literally think about..."What am i sayinnn??". Which concludes that nothing or 'almost nothing' is gonna come out of my mouth.

I wish to be consistent. Obviously more one, than the other. I personally, honestly, look at this as a skill. A skill with people. A skill to interact socially, and maybe eventually spiritually (since we are close enough) with people around me. It is a leader's skill. That's why I really want God to give me this. Or...maybe He already has, maybe I just gotta "Trust in Him".

I just felt like humming this song out right now.

I will not...(I will not) ♫

Be afraid...(Be afraid)♫

I will not...(I will not)♫

Be afraid...(Be afraid)♫

I will trust in you (I will trust in you [I will trust in You])♫

Gonna Muster every ounce of confidence I have...♫

And cannonball in to the waterr....♫

Gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have...♫

For You (God) I will...♫

It is not a christian song, I just thought I'd add God in there instead, cuse that's who I'm talking to, haha. I'm sure you guys all know that song anyways.

Pray for:

Pray that:

- I'm a leader to 'those who I'm leading'. And that they see me as one.

- I'm a leader who 'interacts' with ppl.

- I'm Someone who truly cares for 'those who I'm leading'

- Give full effort (by not being distracted...by 'those things')

- Be...COMFORTABLE leading, and make OTHERS comfortable (this one's a challenge)

All the following has been giving me great pressure lately...

Am I a leader? or let's say do I have the main characteristics to BE a leader? Probably not. But God's going to work a miracle in me. And It's gonna be a pretty big one lol.

Teaching

It is so much more easier for a teacher to teach if he "lives" by what he says/teach.

This applies to me, cuse I don't really "know" what I'm about to teach. Or more so, I don't "live it" or "do it" myself, so it's not going to go that well in a situation like that. That's actually one thing i detest the most; teaching something you don't actually even believe in or follow.

yea.

first day! (I'm back)

Today, had my first day of work! Right away, from my recovery.

Man, it was pretty chills today. It was just me and Jon Lau. Not doin much...k, we did do stuff, but there hasn't been much work to do yet. We still all need to meet together first which is on Friday. Dang, I'll be missing a bit of Colluni, maybe.

So today, we just "jammed" lol, to VBS songs! Ohh yeaa.

Finished.

Haha, the end. That was quite fast, I'm way too surprised, I don't know what to say.

In 3 days, I:

- Found out I needed surgery

- HAD the surgery

- RECOVERED from it

I'd say that's pretty miraculous.

i was sad because I couldn't see everybody today.

But i understand the reason...I'm not even fully healed yet. Can't wait till i get my body back, and can play softball again!

--//I've noticed the things that frustrate me the most are things that I know i am capable of, but i fail to do.

So blessed, So blessed...

Man I am so blessed for this to happen to me, AFTER school ended, RIGHT when break started. Cuse what would I have done at school if it happened then? Who would be taking care of me? Thank you God for my parents. And especially today, my mother.

She actually...helps me get in and out of the car. In the rain, in the hail...she walks me in and out making sure i don't fracture or break anything.

So Happy Mother's Day, Mothers!

I never thought I'd see that again. I thought it would be me helping her at this point...I think it's about time for my generation. I mean, I'd say my parents are pretty old now.

I'm also blessed again because of the timing...I 'accidentally' found out such a "so-called-emergency-condition", right when it started getting worse.

First-time Experience...

ok, I'm awake now...so might as well...

I wasn't gonna blog about this yet (well, i just had the draft saved), but i don't feel like sleeping anymore. Not yet at least

So It was all very sudden today. 9:15am in the morning, i went to see the doctor because i had a booked appointment (nothing too special). Originally, this appointment was suppose to discuss about some issues/problems I've been noticing for a long time. If you really wanna know, it was speech problems. I've always had trouble speaking and My dad also agreed to it. So we just gave it a try to see if anything was the cause of it. Well, this was the main purpose of going there. And there was also this one small thing (well, i thought it was small) that i started experiencing yesterday afternoon. I had these on-and-off chest pains that kept re-occuring whenever i did any active body movement (e.g. jump, run, anything that moves my central body). I first re-experienced this pain again after only jogging for like...a min...in the cold. I was jogging from basically my house to church, I had broken down. Even then, I didn't think it was too much.

So all this, i explained when i got there to the doctor.

The doctor gave 2 advices to me:
- go see a neurologist
- go get an x-ray scan

For some reason, I only got the x-ray scan today, cuse i think it was convenient or something.

So got there, scanned, did what i needed to do. waited...

And finally, X-ray results: I was suffering from "Pneumothorax", a hole in my left lung, which in turn caused my lung to shrivel up, and be short of breathe. IT's funny how i didn't notice it, but i was having trouble breathing. I wasn't even taking in enough oxygen.

Before i knew it, I was on the hospital bed. I was calm. But i don't believe i would have been if i did not take the actions i did.

The action being:
- knowing that: God knows what's best for me
- Be rest and reassured (in Standard first aid, that's how we're trained, never panic)

So here i am now, quite well and alive...for now, haha.

My understanding of the surgery is that they cut a hole in the left side of my ribs, and stuck a tube inside in order to feed it to the hole of the lung.

So right now, i just have a tube sticking out of me to promote recovery of that hole.

The surgeon explained to me it was like a tire leaking air out. My lung was the tire, and it's leaking.

I rmb when i was in there, I was praying that it'd be God's hands. I mean, i didn't care what happened (and maybe a part of me actually did). But that the best would happen...between me and God.

apparently, this condition happens to tall, skinny people...OH, that are BOYs. And it's common, and it's genetics. I got it from my mother. She's tall & skinny, except she's a woman.

Thank God again, that it was such great coincidence for the appointment to be the day after my "severe problem".

But i ALSo realized, that right now, since I'm taking standard first aid, i won't be able to take the exam, because "no strenuous movement of the body" says the nurse. I can still eat, and still go places...but you will not be doing ANY thing active.

Right now, it hurts a little bit when i type. It does require my hands to be active, but it doesn't matter, I can't sleep right now. I need to do something. And another thing is, I don't think my dad's really proud of me writing all this stuff out because...he just doesn't like how everybody can read it. But, i do it cuse i wanna share, and give a little update on how I'm doing with all you bros and sis out there.

--//I'm suppose to serve on Sunday worship, and have practice tomorrow (sat), but i guess that;s not happening. I think everything's been explained and cleared. I'm pretty handicapped right now, but God is has been merciful, and has given me grace.

Oh, yea, I have what they called "Pneumothorax"

*pic*

I think it's true.

It's true, annoying people = selfish people (or people you think/believe are selfish)

But how do you fight it. Fighting this irresistible "hate", (or is "dislike" a better word for it) towards these kind of people. Like, it is not easy to just "love" these people in the middle of their action.

Nothing annoys you more, then people who only think about themselves...and not about others (including YOU). People who do not consider your thoughts, before theirs. Just like, your's never existed.

How can you help but think bad thoughts of these people who are...inconsiderate. How do you help it? That's an actual question i'm asking.


Mark 12:33
"To love him with all your heart, with all your understanding and with all your strength, and to love your neighbor as yourself is more important than all burnt offerings and sacrifices."

"And who is my neighbor?" Jesus was asked.

That's when he told the story of the "Good Samaratin".

The point is, everybody is my neighbor (right?)...and I should go do likewise and love them.

But it is indeed sometimes very hard...to just not think bad thoughts about the types of people i was talking about before. I wish our love was that powerful...just like God's.

That Mosquito...

dang, that mosquito sure was smart...

man, it totally out-smarted me. I was about to crush it with my tissue paper on the wall, but before i got there, it flew off to the side (like it knew i was coming already). I went after it. I'm like "no way there's gonna be a mosquito alive in MY bedroom". So I kept chasing after it. It flew towards the light, and i got blinded, and then it was no where to be seen. Like, it just suddenly disappeared, like a ninja. Just gone. What a smart, simple, tricky idea.

it is still alive...how silly.

The moquito was totally thinking. They have brains alright LOL