Impulse

- I actually envy some people. I mean, I think I've been feeling quite selfish lately. I'm jealous of those who are missed. When I'm not. I always have to imagine, fantasize the feeling of being "missed". It seems like a great feeling, I guess, that someone's thinking about you. It almost tells you the person you are...to them. Which in turn reflects who you think you are.

--Impulse Update

Why am i so open? I've been asked before. Because everyone makes it seem like sharing the stuff I do, is almost forbidden or unheard of. It's stuff that you would never say in front of a crowd. But the only thing is, you NEED a crowd to say it in front of. You want to get it OUT, not let it stay in. You want help, accountability, advice...so therefore, you seek it.

Also, one main thing is, this may be a good or bad reason...but I want understanding. I want people to UNDERSTAND me, why I am like I am. That's one of the biggest reasons, one of the motives I have. That just makes me feel so much more better and comfortable, when people understand. Here's one more side of the truth: "It's also so I can be excused of the actions I commit because people now understand why." I already fully know that's wrong. That's taking advantage. I shouldn't be using this "understanding" that I've gained to use it against EVERYbody. Altho no one ever said it was a "privledge" to do so. It's comfort...but at the same time, you can abuse that comfort. Go overboard, which turns into taking advantage.

It's the truth.

--//I need an accountability partner.