Will.

So, today my dad said to me, "Son, people are gonna know you so well when you become a doctor/researcher/'something medical'/some 'successful', 'asian', 'high-paying job', because you are gonna do great things in this world."

My dad becomes overprideful of me very often of times. Not because there's anything to be proud about, but because that's what he hopes for me, his expectations of me. Sometimes he says ridiculous things like, "Son, you're going to invent something so magnificient, and the world is going to love, thank, and respect you for it." E.g. "I'm going to invent something to save the world!" And clearly I go in my head "no, I'm not, and it's not going to happen".

note: all quotes were translated from chinese with the best of my ability.

Every time he says stuff like that, I feel SO horrible inside, not knowing how to break it to him...that i DON'T want to go into science. But then again, why am I in science? good question...

But what I see myself wanting to go into (or feel interest and enjoyment in) is MUSIC. Why couldn't I go into THAT...Whyyyyy. My dad is always trying to get me motivated...into pursuing science, and being interested in it, but the more he tries and the more time spent in this field, I am just NOT enjoying it. I really dunno man. I just want to tell him that "look, I am unmotivated towards learning science; I am interested in learning music!". That's all I probably need to say for the truth. But saying it...is like another story right. After all these years of talk...I just listened...and just accepted what he said (didn't exactly "accept", since i didn't actually agree, but more of I didn't want to start beef and 'talks' that would never end). And one thing about my dad is...he talks...then talks some more...and does he stop? no, he doesn't. Sometimes, I feel like I get some of that from him too, because I have somewhat of a habit like that; we just beating around the bush a lot, and never get to a point. So that is my dad. As he keeps talking and talking...I have an idea/point sometimes..but then he keeps going...then i forget. And eventually, I get bored out, and start day dreaming about...different piano beat patterns I could play out in my head. All in all, I've said all this because, our conversations never go anywhere! So I never get a chance to tell him how I REALLY feel. haiirrz.

Side: Look, I really like UOIT, but I do not like how it doesn't have a music program. But that's besides the point, and besides the reason how I ended up here.

It goes back to...what I enjoy, and what is a realistically stable job. My dad's theory is that, following a career path you enjoy is good, but to be realistic in real life, you need to look for stability first! You must support your own family...and live under a house, with sufficient money. So that basically concluded, that I shouldn't do music, since music according to nowadayz society, shows that you either go big, or...go home (or nothing). So he suggested that I...look for a job that's stable first. Surprise, surprise, maybe I should go into the medical field!! right? Yeaa, it's true, that stereotype about asians are true, although it doesn't apply to all, but in my case it is at least. So the problem now with me is...that I won't enjoy that, I won't enjoy science. And if i don't enjoy something...how can i be successful in it? And if I'm not successful in it, how can I come out with a stable, family-supporting job?! (back to the beginning again).

So how is that valid, that going in to science and medical, is going to get me a supportive life and career? yea, that's the problem I face atm.

And so it's always...

1) Do something you enjoy, but not have stable career OR

2) Do something you don't enjoy, but have a stable career

Personally, I don't think one can do without both. They are both really important. In my situation tho, I'm havin a problem with including both aspects in my future path.

But all that one can do, is let God's will be done. Pray for that will.

I'm reminded of this verse (the Lord's Prayer):

"Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be your name,
¹⁰ your kingdom come,
your will be done,
on earth as it is in heaven.
¹¹ Give us today our daily bread.
¹² And forgive us our debts,
as we also have forgiven our debtors.
¹³ And lead us not into temptation,^{a]" style="font-size: 0.75em; line-height: 0.5em; ">[a]}
but deliver us from the evil one"

Matthew 6:9-13

I'm am mainly just reminded...that God's will, WILL be done. So why worry, if I am giving my all to glorify Him. Everything on this earth will rot. The life on this earth will rot. All I am reminded in that verse is "your kingdom come, your will be done". It doesn't matter what happens here in the end. And it is out of the question that God's will, will be done. Not ours, so we're not in control, He is.