Baptism - Easter

I'm just going to go straight to what i want to say:

during baptism yesterday, T.L, A.C, A.K, A.T, H.M,E.Y had gotten baptized. But the testimony i want to focus on was T.L's. Every single thing He said related to me. I mean, that could have been me up there, except 'sucking at talking' more, and not being able to express myself as fully as He did. Cuse all he did, was he said everything that was significantly important in his heart that affected his testimony and baptismal today (or at least tried to). I would totally say all that, if i rmbed, i mean, all that stuff happened in my life also. But all i could probably do is go "oh yea, that totally happened in my life too".

The closest point T.L. said that really related to me was the whole "why he didn't get baptized yet" until He was 23 during present day. The testimony He gave really inspiried me, letting me know in a way, i guess that, im not the only one. Well, I haven't been baptized. But i've been thinking about it.

But here would be some of the things that are stopping me (thoughts):

- I hate, and suck at speaking to one person, let alone public speaking.

- Why get baptized, when you don't "need" to in order to go to heaven. Lol, like Tim Lee said, "I'm gonna be one of the first christian to accept Jesus Christ and go to heaven without getting baptized".

- My dad, really, really, really wants me to get baptized in the chinese side...it's like a asian parents pride thing. But i already fully know that baptism, chinese church, english church, youth congregation or senior congregation, it doesn't matter. It's not very complicated lol. Baptism is just to declare your faith by dying with Him (in the water) and resurrecting with Him (out of the water). But i think my dad has too much pride in him, even over his son.

- a lot of the times, i don't "feel" God's prescence.

- a lot of the times, i don't actually feel "God's love" around us. I look at us 'bros & sis in Christ' sometimes, and i go..."really??".

- I feel that as christians, we're such hypocrites (and yes, everybody's a hypocrite, we discussed this some time before). There are not much genuine caring people out there, to really put it.

- Even as a 'christian', looking ourselves, i feel bearing this name has no meaning, cuse we're really no different at all. We say wanna be "different" all the time, to "live" out God's word. So why doesn't it happen? at least i see so little of it, which leads to my doubt in God, that He is working, and exists. But ofc, i was told that We ourselves have to pull that half of the effort, and let God work through us, but i really dunno...

- And i haven't gotten baptized because i don't understand "why" I need to do it. What exact purpose do i need to do so. "Does it make me a better person, change me new? or get me to heaven?" no. Why can't i love God in secret (like tim lee said).

So Every baptismal opportunity I've had so far, I've pushed it away. Just like, what Tim Lee said, just stalling and stalling and stalling....

I think i need some help with the decision that I'm going to make...

When i get baptized, it may be now, when im 23, when im a senior, or never...

And that's what was going through my head, during testimonies yesterday.

--//oh, and just want to add on, again something that Tim Lee said in his testimony:

Mom: "So if you were to die and go to the gates of heaven right now, and God asked you what you did to deserve to go in, what would you say?"

Tim: "I wish i wouldn't have to say anything; that God could just look into my life and go 'well done, good & faithful servant"

And that WOULD make sense i guess, i don't think God would need to ask you any questions. I think the questions is just really more of a, 'guideline' for you to ensure yourself really. According to scripture, God is just going to look into the Book of life, and determine who lives with Him eternally or not.